It looks as if everyone and their mother is going to get out of school before me. Here I am, almost finished with year 3 at BYU, and I still have another two years to go before I finish my undergrad. There are people who graduated high school AFTER me who are getting out of college THIS YEAR. How does that happen??
And how does it happen that there are girls two years younger than me who are MARRIED and even have KIDS? And how does it happen that there are boys younger than me who are now DONE with their missions?? Where has my youth gone???
It's not like I don't love school. Matter of fact, there are days when I wonder if I would even mind just going to classes forever. I love sitting in a desk, taking notes, being around so many smart people, and learning new things. I do plan on attending Graduate School after I graduate with my Music Ed degree here at BYU, and if God wills it, I even want to try and get a PhD in something. (Or maybe two...) I like school. I love BYU. But what I DON'T love is how I've been here for three years and have nothing to show for it... at least not officially. I'm nowhere close to getting a really good job that I wouldn't feel ashamed to have. I may have taken sixteen credits worth of ASL, but I have no interpreting license. I don't even have a completed minor. I've learned so much these past few years, but my resume is almost just as blank as it was when I first came to college. Learning and getting A's is okay, but that's not what's going to help me succeed -- at least on a financial level.
And it's not like I don't like being single, either. I love my ward. I love my independence. And there's NO WAY I'm ready to start popping out babies. But sometimes I find myself feeling like starting your own family is like this rite of passage between being only sort of a grown-up to being a complete grown-up... Now of course that's not true, but I think that way sometimes. There are 19-year-old girls I know who seem to just automatically become a little more mature now that they have husbands and "married-people-problems." And I can't deny that I see some prejudices against single people in this here Mormon society and I get a little sucked into that mindset. Sometimes I get this feeling that if I'm not getting married, I'm being disobedient or unrighteous in some way. After all, we have General Authorities basically BEGGING us to get married over the pulpit at Conference. Yeah, I need to get rid of those feelings. I'm a perfectly worthy and good person, even if I'm not married. But I'd still LIKE to be married, if not just to show the world that I'm on the right track in life. Moving forward.
I just wanna see some real, honest-to-goodness progress. And a diploma or a marriage license would be a nice physical representation of that progress.
I forget sometimes that I'm only 21. I've got time on my hands -- time to figure my life out, graduate, start a family, be a rock star, and still have time to watch 30Rock and Community on Friday mornings.
Listening to: "Who's That Girl" by Robyn
Things Going On Today: A recital, a rehearsal, and maybe the giving of a tasty gift.
Blessings: Weekends. Not a lot of homework.
Learned: Bleach can eat through a washcloth. How to make Blondies.