Friday, March 30, 2012

Fridaaaaay, Fridaaaay, Friday is my favorite day.

Last night I had my first real dream about my crush.  In this dream, we weren't cousins, I wasn't dating his roommate, and he didn't just sit in the background.  I dreamed that we were both in the back seat of a car, and  he put his arm around me and told me that he had just got his driver's license and wanted to take me out on a real date.  We pulled up to one of those haunted house things, but it was still broad daylight, so we decided to wait in the car until it got dark before we went in.
Then the dream changed and I was sitting in the car with my ex-boyfriend's fiancee's best friend.  I've never actually met my ex-boyfriend's fiancee's best friend, but in my head, I imagined her to be a plumper woman who wore jewel tones and wore fun feathers in her hair. At one point or another I found myself saying to her, "Well, I totally approve of you marrying him," but then I caught myself and said, "I totally approve of Rachel marrying him."  We parked in a parking lot, surrounded by dozens of Indian children.  They were all chanting "Hari Krishna."
But then I dreamed that I was suddenly in Professor McGonagall's house (yes, as in Maggie Smith in all her wizarding glory), whitewashing her old apartment in order to pay for my room and board. My dad was there, saying he was proud of me for having such a good work ethic.  I was wearing my purple plaid shirt.

Dreams are for rookies.

Things going on today:  Women's Chorus Concert
Blessings:  Waking up before your alarm.
Learned:   Janelle Monae is a wonderful dancer.
Listening to:  "Tightrope" by Janelle Monae

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Playlist about Waiting

"Wait on the Lord" performed by Minnesota All-State Women's Chorus 2008-2009
"The Waiting" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
"Memories Can't Wait" by Talking Heads
"Patience" by Kirby Heyborne
"Wait" from Sweeney Todd
"Slow Love Slow" by Nightwish
"Don't Wait" by Dashboard Confessional
"Love Can Wait" by the Tengelsen Brothers
"Waiting for the Wheel to Turn" by Capercaillie
"A Minute without You" by Hanson

Listening to:  "Right Here Waiting" by Staind
Things Going on:  two hours of women's chorus rehearsal, and maybe Mission Impossible 4 tonight?
Blessings:  Shoes, even if they have holes.
Learned:  "Making Fiends" character Charlotte is voiced by the same woman who directed the mini-series.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Secrets Secrets

Have you ever had a friend or family member tell you something that no one else knows?  Not even their family or their roommates or their best friends?  Just... you?

Well I've found that it's like being given an object -- a sculpture or something -- made out of the thinnest glass.  It's beautiful, shining, sublime, but you feel like if you squeeze it even the tiniest bit, the whole thing will shatter into a thousand pieces.  You're afraid to even move, it's so precious and delicate and fragile.

You must freeze.  And because you must freeze, you panic and the muscles in your fingers begin to twitch uncontrollably, which you know will only make things worse if you're not careful.

That's kind of how I feel right now.  Like I've been given a beautiful treasure -- I've been trusted with it -- and now I just don't know what to do with it.

Listening to: "Pieces Mended" by the Used
Things Going On Today:  A few Christmas miracles in Springtime.
Blessings:  Cancelled classes, easy quizzes, naps.
Learned:  How to play a part Mozart's Symphony No. 41 on the piano.  Also, that Sidney Gilbert was called to be an agent to assist Edward Partridge in organizing the United Order in Independence Missouri.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Today's Playlist

Life's a Happy Song -- from The Muppets
Your Every Color -- Train 
Breakfast in Bed -- Train
Soul Sick -- Rob Thomas
Know Your Enemy -- Green Day
Take a Chance on Me -- ABBA
Believe -- Cher
Call Me Maybe -- Carly Rae Jepson

Listening to:  "Love on Top" by Beyonce
Things Going on Today:  Snow melts.  Tears shed during Voice Lessons.  FHE.  
Learned:  About bar percussion instruments:  Glockenspiels, Metallophones, Xylophones.  Xylophones have to have wood bars in order for them to by xylophones.  Xylo is Latin for tree or wood.  (DUH!)  
Blessings:  No theory class. 2% curves on tests.  High fives.  

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Songs in My Head These Days

"Tears in Heaven" -- Eric Clapton
"I want you to" -- Weezer
"Write me off" -- Emily Brown
"Best Love Song" -- T-Pain ft. Chris Brown
"I don't know how to Love Him" -- from Jesus Christ Superstar
"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" -- Cyndi Lauper
"What doesn't Kill You" -- Kelly Clarkson

When it Rains...

... it POURS.

I have had a date every weekend for the past FOUR WEEKENDS.

Listening to:  Rain (oh, what a coincidence!)
Things Going On Today:  I teach a Gospel Doctrine Lesson.
Learned:  The prophecy that was foretold in 2 Nephi 27 can be seen as fulfilled, according to JSH: 64-65.  Pretty cool stuff.
Blessings:  Early mornings, hair straighteners, sleeping cats.

A Resolution Update

One of my big new years resolutions this year was to not get carried away in love.

Well, I sort of fell of the bandwagon with that one.  Some things happened in February that really messed me up big time, and I think the root of why I was so upset was because I didn't have the self-respect that would lead me to making wise decisions about when and how to give my heart away.  It's funny, there are some people out there that you can spend years and years getting close to, but in the end, you find out you know nothing about them.

I was told by someone who I consider very wise that I give much more than I take when I interact with people.  It starts from the get-go.  I come on really strong when I introduce myself to new faces in the ward or in class.  It can be a turn-off for people who don't like to immediately open up with others.  But even when I do get past the barrier of the first impression and start spending quality time with people, I still give of myself to the point of fault.  There is very little I don't share with people eventually.  I invite -- nay, almost force -- people to join with me when I grieve, rejoice with me when I am happy, and contemplate the deep confusions that I have.  It's funny... It's almost selfish, they way I make people bear my burdens and feel my sorrows.  I can empathize with others, but what usually ends up happening is I am a lot more passionate about the issue than even they are, and it's not even happening to me.

In romance, I'm like the waiter at the dinner party who keeps asking if you would like more eclairs even though you really can't eat another bite.  I shove those little pastries in your face and you have to smell them and look at their sticky-sweet coating and it makes you want to vomit.  I'm like those cheap off-Broadway shows with tons of color and bells and whistles and brassy belt  sounds, which can be exciting, but when there's no end to it -- when I never bother to tone it down and keep some things for later -- peoples' interest gets exhausted pretty fast.  It's no wonder I have had few relationships that have actually worked.

This is all a bunch of idea vomit.  I was sort of in a bloggy mood and it's kind of fun to listen to the sound of your fingers rapidly hitting buttons at six-thirty in the morning.  But I really should get back to my homework, now.

Listening to:  The cat jumping on things.
Things Going On Today:  Church, and a lot of homework.
Learned:  A little more about 2 Nephi 26-30.
Blessings:  Blankets, phones even though they have no vibrate.