Saturday, April 9, 2011

Luck be a Lady...

So something really weird has happened in my life.  My application for the school of music got lost.  Yup.  The faculty LOST my application.  They remember me from interviews, told me that they viewed me very positively, but they can't find my paperwork.  They are humiliated.  I am irritated, but no more than I am amused at just how odd this coincidence is.  I gotta say, I've had a really weird past couple of years.  Stuff has happened to me that I can safely say doesn't happen to most people.  Think about it... who else can say they got their patriarchal blessing twice because it didn't record?  Who else can say they got put in the same apartment as their closest cousin without any work on their own part?  Who else can say that the one man they truly loved got dishonorably sent home from a mission?
Sometimes I wonder why God would do this to me.  Why would He make my life so surreal at times?  Doesn't he know this is hard to deal with?  I have to face problems that no one else ever has to face, so it's hard to seek advice and it's hard to find people who really understand me. And then, of course, there's that age-old question "Why me?" which seems to fit better for my circumstances than it does for most.  Why me?  Why am I the one who doesn't know how to shut up and who's hair just can't get glossy shine I've always wanted?  Why am I the one who gets straight A's, but still can't get into the program I want?  Why am I the one who falls in love with the guy who just won't ever love me back?  These things that happen to me, they're like miracles, except they're sort of sick and twisted.  I'm the one in a million.  I'm the exception to the rule.  Why, God?  Why me?
Well I've figured it out:  God's teaching me patience and endurance.  He understands me so well.  He knows I like to have control over things.  I like to have a plan, a pattern.  I'm a logical thinker, and he knows that if things aren't logical, I panic.  I freak out over the smallest things that go wrong, and I'm always blaming myself for when bad things happen.  So what I gotta learn is that there are things that happen in this life that are completely outside of my control.  I cannot do anything about them.  They just happen because the world is a chaotic place, full of uncertainty, entropy, and mistakes.  They happen.  And I gotta deal.  So I guess the real test here is how I'm gonna endure these one-in-a-million miracles I live through.  Am I just gonna sit here whining "Why me," or am I gonna grin and bear it?  Today I choose to do the latter.  So what, Doc Broomhead?  So what if you lost my application?  No matter what happens -- if you find it or not, if I get accepted or not -- I'll just try out again if I have to, and this time you WILL NOT forget about me.  No, I am not often the one that is left forgotten.
Moral of the story:  I should play in the lottery.  Odds are I'll win.

Listening to:  Nothing
Things going On Today:  Emily sings the breakfast song at Velour, yet another DTR, and some good chinese food.
Blessings:  Snain... or is it row?  That snowy-rainy stuff that doesn't stick to the sidewalks.

No comments:

Post a Comment