I had a bit of an epiphany a few days ago...
I am not a happy person right now.
And now I know why!!
It's because I am not succeeding as much as I used to. Things that once were very easy to me are now a little harder to get. I see it in lots of areas of my life. So I think I'm going to take a minute to complain about each of my failures (or should I say, non-successes) and then think of something good about those areas... that way, I'll get a chance to vent and then a chance to think positive.
Oh, and I think I'll add possible solutions to my problems as well.
First, there's grades. Economics and Calculus are getting a little harder for me. Particularly economics, where I'm getting a solid B+... and I never get Bs. Calculus is weighted funny, so even though I have 90%, it says I have a B+. I'm panicked about them, even though I'm only a few weeks into the semester. I got a 4.0 last semester, and it felt wonderful to look at my grades and give a sigh of relief. I want to get another 4.0 again... that's my goal. But so far I'm sucking at it. A possible solution? Maybe STUDYING REALLY HARD is a good idea... maybe talk to my econ teacher about what I can do to bring my grade up. I just need to devote more time to it. And don't forget to do the homework. One good thing about my grades: I'm getting high A's in all my other classes, including physics and literature, which is a good sign. Also, it's still the beginning of the semester, so I have plenty of time to improve my scores.
Next, performance. I didn't get Lily, and now I don't get featured in Bedshaped... my favorite song we're doing in Freestyle. I'm upset. Whenever I hear other people singing the parts I want, I feel like I'm going to cry. I'm sick of being just an alto. I'm sick of being a minor part. I want to shine and get a chance to show the world what I've got before I give up performance altogether. I feel like I'm being cast aside. It's frustrating. Solutions: Work hard on Orinoco Flow, the song I'm arranging for Freestyle, so that I have something to show off at the end of the year. Also, do well as Rose and as an alto. Just do my best in all I can. Then I'll try out for Sweeney Todd this summer. Maybe then I'll get a chance to shine... Then again, maybe not. That's another solution I have. Just accept what I've got and stop complaining about what I don't have. A good thing about my performance: I WAS Jessica, and I'm IN freestyle and secret garden. Gotta remember what I do have.
Next, friends. I feel like they aren't as good of friends as they used to be. They seem to always be yelling at me and telling me to quit worrying about stuff. It's no fun being around them anymore. The friends I do want don't want to be friends with me. I don't really know what to do. What I REALLY want to do is totally start over. Make a better impression for myself. Meet some new people. But at this point, there isn't much I can do there. Solutions: Talk to people. Find opportunities to hang out and converse and socialize. Maybe tell my friends how I feel. I mean, I understand that I have problems, but if all they say is "Relax, Hannah," apparently that's not helping. Tell them that. Good thing: I got to know people in Showcase really well. And there's always the Angel, who doesn't know me at all yet, that I can still get a chance with. Keep flirting, keep working. And just hold it out until summer, when your college friends come back... and then there's college where you REALLY get to start over.