Sunday, March 18, 2012

A Resolution Update

One of my big new years resolutions this year was to not get carried away in love.

Well, I sort of fell of the bandwagon with that one.  Some things happened in February that really messed me up big time, and I think the root of why I was so upset was because I didn't have the self-respect that would lead me to making wise decisions about when and how to give my heart away.  It's funny, there are some people out there that you can spend years and years getting close to, but in the end, you find out you know nothing about them.

I was told by someone who I consider very wise that I give much more than I take when I interact with people.  It starts from the get-go.  I come on really strong when I introduce myself to new faces in the ward or in class.  It can be a turn-off for people who don't like to immediately open up with others.  But even when I do get past the barrier of the first impression and start spending quality time with people, I still give of myself to the point of fault.  There is very little I don't share with people eventually.  I invite -- nay, almost force -- people to join with me when I grieve, rejoice with me when I am happy, and contemplate the deep confusions that I have.  It's funny... It's almost selfish, they way I make people bear my burdens and feel my sorrows.  I can empathize with others, but what usually ends up happening is I am a lot more passionate about the issue than even they are, and it's not even happening to me.

In romance, I'm like the waiter at the dinner party who keeps asking if you would like more eclairs even though you really can't eat another bite.  I shove those little pastries in your face and you have to smell them and look at their sticky-sweet coating and it makes you want to vomit.  I'm like those cheap off-Broadway shows with tons of color and bells and whistles and brassy belt  sounds, which can be exciting, but when there's no end to it -- when I never bother to tone it down and keep some things for later -- peoples' interest gets exhausted pretty fast.  It's no wonder I have had few relationships that have actually worked.

This is all a bunch of idea vomit.  I was sort of in a bloggy mood and it's kind of fun to listen to the sound of your fingers rapidly hitting buttons at six-thirty in the morning.  But I really should get back to my homework, now.

Listening to:  The cat jumping on things.
Things Going On Today:  Church, and a lot of homework.
Learned:  A little more about 2 Nephi 26-30.
Blessings:  Blankets, phones even though they have no vibrate.

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