MY favorite Disney Songs

Okay... So one of my fellow bloggers put up his "Top" 30 Animated Disney Movie Songs, and I thought I'd create my rebuttal.  I love almost all the Disney songs, but I'm a Johnson, you see, and Johnsons rank EVERYTHING.
Proceed with caution.  A lot of these songs have meaning to ME.  I know "Hakuna Matata" and "Bare Necessities" are Disney classics, but they don't speak to ME as a musician, woman, Disney lover, etc. So here we are, MY favorite Disney songs, regardless of what anyone says, and why they are my favorite:

#30:  "Work Song" from Cinderella

Cinderella is a classic.  One song needs to make the list.  My favorite part of Cinderella is of course the mice, so this song makes the board as my 30th favorite song.  It's catchy, no?

"We can do it, we can do it!

We can help our Cinderelly!

We can make her dress so pretty!

There's nothing to it really!"

#29:  "Bella Notte" from Lady and The Tramp

This is one of those romantic classics that's used and re-used again and again.  I've seen so many re-hashings of this famous "Spaghetti Pooch Smooch," I think it's worth being dubbed an iconic moment in Disney history, with an iconic song to match.
"Side by side with your loved one
You'll find enchantment here.
The night will weave its magic spell,
When the one you love is near."

#28:  "Cruella De Vil" from 101 Dalmatians

The only song in the movie, and it is a jazzy, groovy classic!  Never to be forgotten as the best villain song in Disney history, "Cruella De Vil" is also a compositional masterpiece.  I've learned a lot about blues notes and chromatic harmonies....  Here ya go.  Perfect exhibition of such techniques.  Not your normal four-chord pop Disney tune.
"This vampire bat, this inhuman beast!
She ought to be locked up, and never released!"

#27: "One Jump Ahead" from Aladdin

I love the rhythmic and melodic complexity of this song, first of all.  It's very different from other Disney songs -- unpredictable and helter-skelter, just like the scenes and characters it's portraying.  What a great way to meet Aladdin!  But my favorite part of this song is the reprise.  If there is one theme that many of these songs I've chosen have in common, it's the idea of being misunderstood and different from other people.  Aladdin is a social outcast.  As are Hercules, Tarzan, Ariel, Mulan, and other Disney heroes.  If we ever feel alone or left out or misunderstood, we can look to Disney and take heart in the fact that all of these heroes rose above their lot, and they didn't ever have to change who they were on the inside.  That's the ultimate lesson:  Never change the person you are.  Be yourself.
"'Riffraff,' 'street rat,' I don't buy that.
If only they'd look closer!
Would they see a poor boy?
No, sirree!
They'll find out there's so much more to me."

#26:  "Zero to Hero" from Hercules

I love it when Disney takes a musical genre and exploits it to its fullest within one movie.  In Hercules, the writers have (ironically) combined Greek myth with Gospel soul.  And this is the crown gem of that style.  There is so much pizzazz in this song!  It's unforgettably catchy and it alludes to time passing without boring us all.  The muses are played by some amazing singers, as well.
"He was a nothing,
(Zero, zero!)
No he's a honcho!
(Hero, hero!)
He hit the heights at breakneck speed!
From zero to hero!
Now he's a hero!
Herc is a hero!"

#25: "Belle" from Beauty and the Beast

Because Beauty and the Beast is such a critically-acclaimed and well-loved movie, I feel it only right to include several of its songs on the list.  This song is one of the better character introductions in Disney history.  The cool thing is if you put this and the song "Gaston" side by side, you can not only get a good idea about who these two people are, but how society feels about them.  This movie can be a great reminder that we need to watch our judgments of people who are different from us.  They may be the ones who save us and bring us to a better understanding.
"Now it's no wonder that her name means 'beauty,'
Her looks have got no parallel.
But behind that fair facade, I'm afraid she's rather odd.
Very different from the rest of us.
She's nothing like the rest of us!
Yes, different from the rest of us is Belle!"

#24: "Your Mother And Mine" from Peter Pan

This song makes me think about my mother, and that thought makes me very happy.  I love it when Disney reminds us about the importance of families.
"What makes mothers all that they are?
Might as well ask what makes a star!"

#23:  "With a Smile and a Song" from Snow White

No one likes Snow White and it's kind of sad.  This is the first one!  The ultimate classic Disney animated movie!  And while the voice of Snow White, played by Adriana Caselotti, is very different from what our standard of beautiful voices is, I think this song is so happy and true to our life and times! Snow White has a GREAT attitude! Check out these lyrics:

"There's no use in grumbling

When raindrops come tumbling!

Remember, you're the one

Who can fill the world with sunshine!"

#22: "Heaven's Light/Hellfire" from Hunchback of Notre Dame

Hunchback of Notre Dame is my favorite Disney movie, so of course I include a plethora of them on this list. These two songs go together.  They are beautifully linked by a gorgeous modern adaptation of Gregorian Chant.  I love "Hellfire" quite a bit.  It's powerful and... spooky.  One of Disney's few legitimately spooky songs.  But I'd like to focus more on the awesomeness that is "Heaven's Light."  It's a beautiful, beautiful love song.  Have you ever met someone who understands you better than anyone else, and it's like that person becomes a miracle in your life?  That's what this song is about.  Poor Quasi finally found someone who understands him.  It's such a beautiful story.  

"Then suddenly, an angel has smiled at me

And kissed my cheek without a trace of fright.

I never thought I'd know that warm and loving glow

Though I might wish with all my might.

No face as hideous as my face.

Was ever meant for heaven's light."

#21: "You'll Be In My Heart" from Tarzan

As you look at this list, you'll quickly realize that I love mom songs.  Like this one!  One of the sweetest stories about identity, belonging, and unconditional love.  I've tried not to include too many songs that are sung by celebrity artists during the credits, but this is an exception.  Phil Collins is awesome and you can hear love as he sings it.  

#20:  "Gaston" from Beauty and the Beast

This song is so much fun, I can't ignore it on my list.  It's the kind of song that people will sing along to as they watch the movie, even when no one's around to hear them.  The rhyming is clever, and of course Lefou's character is hilarious.
"When I was a lad, I ate four dozen eggs
Every morning to help me get large.
And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs,
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!"

#19:  "Just Around the Riverbend" from Pocahontas

I include a lot of Pocahontas songs on this list, because I think each one is crafted to fit the movie so well!  This one I post because it really brings out the amazing talent of Ms. Judy Kuhn, who plays Pocahontas in this movie.  It also teaches us about freedom, decisions, and duty.  What a great song!
"I feel it there beyond those trees,
Or right behind these waterfalls.
Can I ignore the sound of distant drumming
For a handsome sturdy husband
Who builds handsome, sturdy walls,
And never dreams that something might be coming
Just around the riverbend?"

#18:  "Arabian Nights" from Aladdin

What a great way to open a movie!!  I love how they've used the "Arabian" harmonics to set the scene.  I can almost feel my mouth dry up as I listen to it.
"Oh, I come from a land, from a faraway place
Where the caravan camels roam.
Where it's flat and immense
And the heat is intense,
It's barbaric!  But hey, it's home!"

#17:  "Little April Shower" from Bambi

I include this song because of its amazing musical painting.  It actually sounds like a rainstorm!!  A placid beginning, a roaring middle, and a hopeful, peaceful end.  Amazing!!!
"Drip, drip, drop, little April shower,
Beating a tune as you fall to the ground."

#16:  "Very Good Advice" from Alice in Wonderland

An underappreciated song from Disney Culture if I've ever seen one.  Just listen to these lyrics.  They're so profound, yet so simple!  I'm reminded so much of myself when I read them!
"'Be patient' is very good advice,
But the waiting makes me curious...
And I'd love the change,
Should something strange begin."

#15:  "I Won't Say I'm in Love" from Hercules

There are some songs I include on this list because they are well-loved by others.  Others I include because I, personally, love them.  This is one of the latter.  When I was a kid, I wanted to be Meg.  I'd watch this VHS every day and I'd rewind this part over and over and over again, dancing with the muses and singing with Greece's favorite heroine.  It's such a cute premise, too.  Even the most proud women can fall for the hot guy.  :)
"I thought my heart had learned its lesson.
It feels so good when you start out.
My head is screaming, 'Get a grip, girl!
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out.'"

#14: "Savages" from Pocahontas

Again, a Pocahontas song.  This movie changed my life.  This was my first experience with intolerance and hate between different cultures.  I think Disney introduces these controversial topics so well for children to understand.  And the music behind it...  wow.  Alan Menkin and Stephen Schwartz are geniuses.
"They're different from us,
Which means they can't be trusted.
We must sound the drums of war!"

#13:  "Steady as the Beating Drum" from Pocahontas

As Disney grew, they're musical messages became more mature and profound.  The songs began to not only pass time and be entertaining, but to send profound messages and play very significant roles in the film. This culminated in the later '90s with movies like Pocahontas, Hercules, Hunchback of Notre Dame, and Mulan.  The purpose of this song is to introduce the Native American lifestyle to the audience, and it does so very respectfully. Compare this to, say, "What makes the Red Man Red" from Peter Pan, and you can see the maturity that I'm talking about.  So I put this song on the list because of its incredible, colorful, musical homage to native cultures.  

"Seasons go and seasons come,
Steady as the beating drum.
Plum to seed to bud to blum,
Steady as the beating drum."

#12: "Be Our Guest" from Beauty and the Beast

This song is oh, so iconic.  There are just so many facets to it, I can hardly begin to explain its richness.  I love how it pays homage to variety shows that we don't see as much any more.  I was in this musical, and this was the best part of the whole show.  

"While the candlelight's still glowing, 

Let us help you!  We'll keep going

Course by course, one by one,

'Til you shout, 'Enough! I'm done!'

Then we'll sing you off to sleep as you digest.

Tonight, you'll prop your feet up,

But for now, let's eat up.

Be our guest!"

#11: "Bells of Notre Dame" from Hunchback of Notre Dame

Can you tell yet that I LOVE this movie?  All of the songs are so fantastic!  This is by far the best exposition of any Disney movie.  It tells this awesome back story about pride and love and judgment.  And then we've got the music at the end which is so triumphant... So epic.  Love love love.
"Morning in Paris!  The city awakes
To the bells of Notre Dame.
The fisherman fishes, the bakerman bakes,
To the bells of Notre Dame.
To the bells as loud as the thunder,
To the bells as soft as a psalm.
And some say the soul of the city's the toll of the bells...
The bells of Notre Dame!"

#10:  "Beauty and the Beast" from Beauty and the Beast

This song is the Academy Award-winning song of one of the greatest movies of all time.  SO CLASSIC.  And of course Angela Landsbury KILLS on this song.

"Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme,

Beauty and the Beast!"

#9:  "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan

Everyone loves this song.  Why?  Well it's powerful, funny, and... well... manly.  And it's got Donny Osmond!  That's kick-butt awesome!  I can't not include it on my list.
"Tranquil as a forest, But a fire within.
Once you find your center, you are sure to win."

#8: "Mine, Mine, Mine" from Pocahontas

I love this song.  The wordplay, the music, the thematic juxtapositions... Only one of the greatest songs ever written.  Go Alan and Stephen.  This is awesome.
"This land we behold!
This beauty untold!
A man can be bold!
It all can be SOLD!"

#7: "Baby of Mine" from Dumbo

Dumbo is one of Disney's LEAST appreciated movies.  This scene, depicting the love of a mother for her child, is so sad.  Motherhood...  Such a beautiful thing.
"You are so precious to me, cute as can be, baby of mine."

#6:  "Go the Distance" from Hercules

This song is so great.  It's triumphant.  It's inspiring.  It's about discovery and finding who you are.  Ain't that what we're all doing here?

"I have often dreamed of a far-off place

Where a great warm welcome will be waiting for me.

Where the crowds will cheer when they see my face,

And a voice keeps saying this is where I'm meant to be."

#5: "When You Wish Upon a Star" from Pinocchio

A classic, first off.  But also a beautiful, comforting message.  Stars are a big theme in Disney culture.  We've got the second star to the right from Peter Pan, the image of Hercules painted in the stars...  Here, the star is a symbol of hope -- a desire that burns in the darkness.  It's wonderful.  And the melody is so complex.

"When your heart is in your dreams,

No request is too extreme.

When you wish upon a star,

Your dreams come true."

#4:  "Love is a Song" from Bambi

Just a beautiful simple song, applicable to so many parts of our lives.  Love is the most powerful and beautiful emotion of the human experience.  

"Hope may die, but love's beautiful music comes each day, like the dawn."

#3:  "Colors of the Wind" from Pocahontas

Music can be a powerful tool to send a message to the world.  Here, Disney presents us with an Anthem of Understanding.  Let's remember the beauty of nature and the significant things we can learn from people who may be different than us. 

"You think the only people who are people

Are people who look and think like you.

But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger,

You'll learn things you never knew you never knew."

#2: "Out There" from The Hunchback of Notre Dame

This song is epic.  I had a lot of trouble not making this number one.  Tom Hulce's voice is spectacular, and I get chills EVERY TIME I hear this song.  I feel for Quasi's character so much.  He's lonely and lost, but he has a clear dream and an understanding about how precious life is.
"Out there among the millers and the weavers and their wives!
Through the roofs and gables I can see them.
Every day they shout and scold and go about their lives.
Heedless of the gift it is to be them.
If I was in their skin, I'd treasure every instant!"


#1:  "Part of Your World" from The Little Mermaid

This song is allegedly the first one I've ever sung. Ever. I have ALWAYS loved this movie and I always will. That aside, this song takes the #1 spot because it's so iconic and singable, as well as well-written.
What this song and song #2 have in common is this theme of wishing to be somewhere you're not.  Both Quasi Moto and Ariel wish to have their dreams come true.  I think we all have dreams and wishes, and sometimes achieving those dreams can be challenging.  But Disney tells us that the best things in life are worth fighting for.  You cannot succeed if you don't try.
"I don't know when,
I don't know how,
But I know something's starting right now.
Watch and you'll see!
Someday I'll be
Part of your world."


Listening to:  "Kiss the Girl" from Little Mermaid.  Also a great song!
Learned:  There's cycling during the Summer Olympics!  It's on at like 4 in the morning.
Blessings:  Not that much homework.  Plane tickets home.
Things Going On Today: Go out to eat... on a Sunday!

Youth... Wasted on the Young.

I don't care what ANYBODY says about it.  I don't CARE if your parents didn't get married until their early 30's.  I don't CARE if you're 25 and have never had a boyfriend.  I don't CARE if you didn't graduate until you were well into your 20's.  I don't care if you served as a Sister Missionary three years ago.  I don't give a crap if you're fracking 50 and living alone with only a cat and a turtle for company.

I. Feel. Old.  Too old.

Too old to get a Ph.D.  Too old to get married.  Too old to record an EP.  Too old to begin a life.

If I sit still for too long, I can almost feel my uterus shriveling into a raisin.  Just when I decided that having a lot of kids might be fun...

I'm almost afraid to brush my hair because I feel like every time I do, more hair falls out.

I'm having knee problems.  KNEE PROBLEMS.  I'm falling apart!

And in the meantime, there are 18-year-olds... 18-YEAR-OLDS... Getting married.  Owning homes and having sex and making babies and wearing white dresses and getting joint bank accounts.  I'm almost positive I've wanted it more than any of them did.  It's not fair.

Of course I blame others for the fact that life has passed me by.  And of course I have kicked myself plenty for letting life pass me by.  But in the end, it doesn't make a difference.  My 22nd birthday fast approaches, and I have nothing of worth to show for it.

Back when I started High School, I imagined that in five years, I would be active, happy, married, educated...  Now, here I sit.  No boyfriend.  No degree.  Heck, I don't even have a credit card yet!  It's like my life froze at age 19 but my body is still growing, regardless.

I'm sure most of these words are written out of depression.  I discovered a couple weeks ago that yes, I was depressed.  I feel jaded.  Nothing that used to make me happy makes me happy anymore.  And asking for help and support only makes me feel worse.

This is turning into a diary entry.  That's not what I wanted.  I just wanted to let everyone know that I am reaching my mid-life crisis at age 22.  I'd better get a move on and buy a motorcycle like my dad.  That way, even though I had no panache or excitement in my life, I'll at least die in style.

If I'm not going to get a motorcycle, I'd at least should put some money into that Smart Car fund.  No need to think about buying a minivan anymore.

Some things I can do if I never get married:

Write a hecka songs about it.
Write a book... about Lady Gaga.
Scrapbook everything.
Buy all the clothes.
Put up pictures on my bedroom wall that I would never want a husband to see.
Get 8 PhDs.
Grow flowers and sing to them.
Shower in stilettos EVERY DAY.
Never clean.
Travel.
Paint.
Sing at the top of my lungs at midnight.
Own a ferret.
Have a personal gym.
Work part-time.
Learn to yodel.
Sew.
Flirt with strangers online.
Learn to pole dance....  And keep it a secret.
Knit something.
Bedazzle everything.
Watch chick-flicks all the time.
Serve the poor.
Paint furniture.
Teach music lessons to kids in my basement.
Read all the books.


Okay I feel better.

Things Going On Today:  Pioneer Day.  No internet at my house.
Blessings:  Grandparents.  Facebook on my phone.
Learned:  All about the "Jesus Lizard" -- or the Green Basilisk Lizard.  These are the lizards who can run on water by quickly creating pockets of air just under the surface of the water through the use of their semi-webbed feet.
Listening to:  PBS.

Thank you, Hyperbole and a Half

Things Going on Today:  Nothing.
Blessings: Ummmmm....
Listening to:  30 Rock...  all day.
Learned:  About variance among 12-tone rows...

I HAVE FOUND...

...that there may be a direct correlative relationship between my relationship status and the amount of time I spend looking up fashion shows on YouTube...

... And this means you'll probably be seeing about 17 hours worth of fashion-related posts in the coming weeks... 

Listening To: Courtney's alarm go off over and over again.

Things Going On Today:  First Sunday single.  Return and Report.  

Blessings:  Seven Peaks, trips to California at opportune times.

Learned:  What "yolo" means.  

Marriage vs. Cohabitation: A lesson on Faith

I like talking about relationships a lot, and I'm sorry.  It's just such an important part of my little Mormon life.

This is gonna be a deep post.  It touches on a concept I've struggled with for a very long time.

I knew a boy back in high school that I really, REALLY admired. We became good friends, but we didn't always see eye to eye on things.  One day, we were talking about sex before marriage. He said something that would fascinate me for years:

"I don't think I really know if I love someone until I see her naked."

Yes.  That was what he said.  He went on to explain his feelings a bit more, and what I got out of it was that you really need to know an entire person in order to really love them.  You can really like a person a lot, but if there's no physical attraction, you really can't have the ideal romantic relationship.

This statement irks me on so many levels, but it also has left me with a lot of confusion and it made me really think about what I believed in regards to marriage, relationships, and sex.

 To set the record straight, I think it is wrong -- nay, downright sinful -- to participate in physical intimacy outside the bonds of matrimony.  God has told us not to do it, and if you do do it, there will be consequences.  Some of them you can get out of with repentance, but some you can't.  If that belief offends anyone, I'm sorry.  But I care about what God wants more than what anyone here on earth wants.

I do not apologize for this belief in the slightest, but I know that there are reasons why people break this commandment.  For one thing, it's super hard.  I know. Staying chaste is one of the biggest challenges people can face. I'm not ignorant of the fact that those feelings and desires to engage in such activity exist.  God meant for them to exist.   It's not like murder or stealing because it really can be a good thing in the right circumstances.  Good Mormons have sex.  You're supposed to have it when you're married.  It strengthens the relationship, makes you feel good, allows you to have the joy of children...  So many good things!  And as an added problem, Satan knows the stakes are high, so he's really upped his ante in making the sin look irresistible.  Remaining a virgin until you are married is a big sacrifice when the rest of the world is pressuring you and looks down on you for it.  I'm not ashamed to say that I have had to make some serious, difficult sacrifices to keep myself chaste.

It is hard, but it is so possible, and it is so worth it.

Within the past couple of decades, society has come to accept this idea that couples can live together and engage in sexual activity without making the commitment to marriage.  Some couples manage to co-inhabit for years.  Sometimes they eventually do get married, sometimes they don't.  Sometimes they stick together til they die, sometimes they don't.  From what I've gathered, people who adopt this lifestyle have sort of the same attitude that my good friend from high school had.  "I really don't know if I want to marry them yet.  Maybe we should live together for some time and see how we feel in a year or two.  Let's 'test the waters' and figure out if we are sexually compatible.  I'm not ready to commit for good, but can't I at least enjoy the complete extent of our relationship while I do have feelings for this person?"

Now, I'm a logical person. When I heard Mr. High School Buddy explain this mindset to me, I thought it seemed pretty logical.  Marriage is a super important decision.  And, at least in the world I grew up in, marriage was for eternal keepsies.  You don't go back on marriage.  Once you marry someone, you're with them.  Divorce isn't an option, except in rare circumstances.  Before I make this HUGE decision, I'd like to do my homework and really get to know the person I'm planning on marrying.  If I don't, I could end up with someone I'm not really happy with, and then my life will be miserable.  I don't want my life to be miserable!  Maybe the test for physical compatibility isn't as far-fetched as my leaders make it sound.  Yeah, you shouldn't be having sex all over the place with just anyone. But what if you really do have legitimate feelings for someone, and you're at least willing to commit to them for a time, but you're still not sure if you're ready for forever?  Marriage seems like an awfully big risk if you don't even know if you will really love that person, inside and out, with and without their clothes on.

But of course, I can't deny that the revelation speaks otherwise.  Physical intimacy is meant for a man and a woman who are united under holy matrimony -- whether it be in the temple or otherwise.  You need to be married before you can have sex with a person.  It's super important that you do so.  I had a testimony of this fact, but I didn't quite know why it was that important.  And that little hole in the logic really got to me.  How can I really have a testimony of the Law of Chastity if I don't have any idea why it's important?  I suppose God tells us to do things without telling us why all the time, but this one seemed too big of a deal to go without any real reasoning behind it.  I prayed for answers, and I sort of lived on that prayer for years, vacillating between feelings of doubt and anxiety and feelings of hope that God would indeed answer my prayer someday.

Last week, at Institute, we talked a little about the Law of Chastity in a class called "Preparing for an Eternal Marriage."  There was a discussion about some of the customs that are accepted by worldly standards, but not God's standards.  Someone brought up the notion of non-marital co-habitation and I started having that battle with myself again...

But then it came to me:  Faith.  Faith is the answer to everything.

I think you can have faith in God, but you can also have faith in a marriage, because marriage is of God.  Maybe faith in marriage comes from having faith in God.  Either way, faith is the answer.  As we read in the scriptures, faith is the knowledge or hope of things not seen.  Faith can mean an expectation of something that will happen later in the future, or it can be the belief of something that currently exists but that is just not seen.  Faith is the opposite of fear.

I think people who choose to put off marriage while still enjoying its benefits are not acting out of faith, but out of fear.  They aren't willing to make the ultimate commitment because they fear that they will be making a mistake if they do.  I don't think God's plan is designed for people to fear.  We need to have faith.  We need to remember that God will always be with us in our marriages.  If you have faith, you have a hope that a relationship will work, even if there are unknowns.  If you have faith, you don't have any need to fear the future.  If you have faith in God, you know he will help you, even if things get rough down the road.  If you have faith in your marriage, you maintain a belief that it can work, even if you and your spouse aren't completely compatible in every way.  I believe, then, that marriage is the ultimate act of faith.  Marriage is committing to your belief that the marriage will work.  It's like saying, "I don't know what the future brings, but I believe that this can last forever.  And I'm going to give up my single life completely to co-exist with someone completely.  In sickness and in health, for better or for worse, for time and all eternity.

I'll keep using that "test the waters" analogy.  There is no need to test the waters if you have faith that the waters will be just fine.  More often than not, they will be.  People who get married usually have their relationships last longer than those who simply live together.  But what if the water isn't fine?  What if, three months later, you realize that the water's a little more frigid than you're comfortable with.  Maybe it's the sex, maybe it's just his nagging personality, or maybe you just feel like you've settled and you could have had better.  No matter what the issue is, there is a way to make the relationship work.  If you include God in your relationship through faith, God will give you a way for your relationship to work.  Maybe he'll heat up the water, or maybe he'll just help you change your attitude about it.  No matter what the issue, things get easier when you have faith that God will help you.

Now that I've learned this, I have a very different attitude toward that statement that my friend made long ago.  Not only do I believe it isn't true, I also find it to be rather insulting.  I can now imagine how I would feel if someone said that about me.  If a guy can't know he loves me without seeing me naked first, that means he has no faith in me and no faith in our relationship.  It means that the physical aspects of a relationship are the only things to him that matter in a marriage.  That's just stupid and shallow.  Marriage is much more than just the physical.  Yes, it's important, but once again, if you approach your marriage with the right attitude and with the right amount of faith, you can be happy with anyone in every aspect.  I don't think my friend will ever truly love someone if he approaches his relationships with that attitude.

So... bottom line.  There's no need to not get married yet if you have faith.  Faith is the answer to everything.  Faith is the way you can keep the Law of Chastity until the day you die.  With God, all things are possible, and all marriages are possible.

Listening to:  Candlelight Carol by BYU Women's Chorus
Things going on today:  A fireside, lots of homework.
Blessings:  Periods only come once a month, not once a week.
Learned:  Laughter can actually provide lots of ease from menstrual cramps.

A Lesson My Parents Probably Don't Know They Taught Me

Alright... Opposites.  I have seen tons of couples out there.  Some are made up of pretty similar people.  Others, it's like they're from different planets.  My own mom and dad are pretty opposite.  Mom is bubbly and social and very giving of herself.  Dad is quiet, reserved, and careful.  When mom is upset, she cries and blames herself.  When dad's upset, he yells and puts the blame on other people.  Mom likes to watch movies and go to plays and read books.  Dad does NONE of those things. He has no hobbies.  Hobbies are expensive.  Mom likes to treat herself to restaurants and new clothes.  Dad never likes to spend money, even if he's spending it on something completely worthwhile.  They even LOOK different.  Mom is tan and blonde and HAWT.  Dad is tall and dignified and would look good only according to eighteenth century nobility standards.  

My darling Parents.

I think a lot of their differing personality traits stem from very different pasts.  My mom, Wendy, grew up in a very active church family in Provo stinking Utah.  Provo was a college town, an established urban metropolis.  My Grandpa Gardner, even though he has Alzheimer's, still manages to find the energy to tell my Grandma Gardner how wonderful she is.  Every day.  Mom had two older sisters and three younger brothers.  Grandma G was a pianist and taught mom the importance of music and performing arts.  Grandpa was a very smart and successful man.  He worked at the University of Utah, served on the State Legislature, and worked with experiments that led to today's modern development in rocket science and computers.  The Gardner family could afford comforts for their large family, like the newest computer modems (with punch cards!), a nice grand piano, and a big house.  Mom was surrounded by members of the church, got tons of dates all growing up, and got a chance to study abroad in Europe during her short secondary education.  I'm not going to say my mom's life was easy, but as you'll see shortly, her lifestyle was very different from my father's. 

My Father, Erik, grew up in Burnsville, Minnesota, one of very few members of the church in a much smaller school in a sprouting country-turning-suburb.  Dad came from a part-member family and had an older brother and two much younger sisters.  The Johnsons were a poorer family.  Grandpa Harlan worked in a small business, and for a while had to work two jobs to keep his family living in the same home they began in.   Grandma D. also worked really hard, kind of putting together a DIY home out of what they already had.  Dad learned quickly that he, himself, would have to put in a lot of effort in order to be successful.  He ended up getting a Master's Degree and joining the family business. Grandpa Harlan is Catholic.  Grandma Doro grew up in the church, but she herself was from a part-member family and took sort of an apathetic approach to governing her children's spiritual lives.  Dad and his older brother Ty sort of had to find testimonies on their own, and weren't given any support by their peers or parents. Grandma Doro and Grandpa Harlan are like the opposite of my Gardner Grandparents.  In my dad's teenage years, they ended up getting a divorce, and it was in no way pleasant for anyone. Even when it happens later on in a person's youth, the experience of divorce is one that can alter your life forever.

So, when two completely different worlds combine, there are bound to be some adjustments you have to make.  My Dad was a little put off by how outgoing and "Mormon" my mother is.  To this day, Dad still teases her about how she bursts into impromptu song and dance at the most unnecessary of moments. 

A big thing my Dad had to learn is that my mom is a Words Person.  She expects to be TOLD -- not just SHOWN -- how much she is loved.  Remember, Grandpa Gardner was a words guy.  He tells everyone how much he loves my Grandma and how proud he is of his kids.  Dad isn't much of a words guy.  Grandpa Harlan wasn't a words guy.  Harlan showed his love by going out and working as a school janitor for a second evening job to provide for his family.  I'm sure Grandpa loved his kids, even with the divorce and everything, but he just wasn't the mushy-"I-love-you"-type.  So Dad learned not to rely on that kind of communication.  When he met my mom, he had to CONSCIOUSLY RESOLVE to tell her he loved her every day, because he found out very quickly that it was something she was used to.  And it wasn't just words.  Mom likes gifts.  She likes getting jewelry, flowers, fancy restaurant dates, and vacations to all places tropical.  I'm positive that my father thinks those things are a complete waste of money, but because he loves her, he uses his precious, hard-earned money to her stuff like that all the time. (My favorite gift: A trip for her to see Daughtry in concert last summer.  The card said, "Dear Wendy, please find someone else to go to this concert with you. Love Erik.") 

In my own childhood, I remember often thinking that my father didn't love me.  He didn't ever give me a lot of praise or verbal affirmation, and he often had trouble communicating his feelings to me in a "loving" way when he was disappointed with me.  He also wasn't home as much as I probably would have liked.  BUT, now that I'm older, I can see all of the things my Dad HAS done for me because he loves me.  He's worked hard, sacrificed a lot of time and money, and he's stepped quite a bit out of his comfort zone to give me the praise and verbal affection that I so greatly desire.  I've learned from my Dad that we need to be aware of ALL of the things our family does for us, even if they aren't what we find obvious.

I'm sure mom feels it too.  Sometimes I would come home and the house would be a mess.  I remember seeing my mother, almost in tears, hurrying to try and get dinner made while at the same time trying to tidy up the kitchen.  "Please help clean up!" she would say.  "I don't want your Dad to come home from work tonight to such a messy house!"  You see, while my Mom is a words person, she is NOT as much of a service person.  She must make a CONSCIOUS EFFORT to do things for my Dad that he would appreciate. Things like cleaning the house, making dinner, and not spending too much money when she goes to Target Some of those things are outside her comfort zone, but she does them anyway because she loves her husband. 

I'm a lot like my mother.  I like words and gifts and quality time.  I always thought that I would want to only date guys who would satisfy those needs.  Guys who would express their feelings verbally all the time, guys who would be as emotionally charged as I am and express their passions the same way I do.  Some of the men I've dated have showered me with praise, given me wonderful gifts, and have invested a great deal of time on me.  But others, including my current boyfriend, don't speak those love languages as well.  My boyfriend is wonderful.  He's so humble and patient and accepting of me.  He reminds me a lot of my Dad.  He, too, is quiet, reserved, and careful.  There are days when I get frustrated at him because he doesn't express his feelings for me in those specific ways that I particularly appreciate.  But then I remember the things he DOES do.  He puts off homework for me all the time.  He asks for my advice.  He listens to me.  He buys me Slurpees. And he, like my father, has done a lot of stepping out of his comfort zone.  He's holds my hand in public.  He  tells me what's on his mind.  And he's learning about my needs and he's changing for them.  No doubt, we'll have a few periods in our relationship where we will disagree and we'll have to explain each other's expectations, but we've already been through enough for me to feel like this, too, shall pass.  

I've always liked this picture.  Check out that girl's socks. 

I think about my parents' relationship a lot, now that I'm dating myself.  I know not every couple is going to be exactly the same, but I do feel like my parents have taught me correct principles of patience, understanding, and sacrifice.  Despite what the fairy tales say, love ain't a picnic.  There is a ton of work involved.  They say opposites attract, and it's true some couples seem like opposites.  But really, if you think about it, there's always going to be something "opposite" about the person you are dating.  No one is exactly like you.  No one is exactly like your spouse, either.  And that's okay.  In fact, it's probably very helpful.  If you both have exactly the same "love language" and expectations, you aren't really learning anything new about each other.  What if my boyfriend and I were both only service people, who never really expressed affection verbally, or even expected the other to do it.  One day, if I get married and have a child, that child will have his own personality and agency.  Maybe HE'LL need verbal attention.  If anything, my differences from my boyfriend teach me how to show love in a variety of ways.  That's valuable.  

I have a theory:  Love is a willingness to put one's needs and desires first.  Love of yourself is a willingness to put your wants, as well as your needs, in the foreground, while love of others requires you to forsake some of those wants and maybe even rethink and adjust your needs.  A healthy relationship involves love of yourself as well as love of your partner.  Your partner must also love you as well as him/herself.  Ideal love is a balance of these four different states of feeling between two people.  When looking for a spouse, it is important to consider if you both can even come close to maintaining that balance with each other.  My parents have it down to an art, and they set a high standard for me to pursue.  I have faith that I can do it. 

Listening to:  My dear Women's Chorus singing a version of "True Colors."

Things going on today:  Break the Fast, doing ALL the homework.

Blessings:  ...........................................tampons.......................................... (forgive me.)

Learned:  Captain Kirk was on the original series of Star Trek.  Picard was on the Next Generation Series.  I can feel myself getting nerdier by the minute.  

Some Memories

Driving to School early in the morning in Mike Sanderson's car with Annabell and Nick.  Mike would always listen to the morning show on 93X Radio.
Speaking of 93X, listening to that station in my room on a Summer's day.  I remember hearing Evanescence's "Call Me When You're Sober," as well as StoneSour's "Through the Glass" and Three Days Grace, "Animal I have Become."
Watching the entire series of Bones in my room until four in the morning one night, when I was home for the Summer in Minnesota after Freshman year.
Running up and down flights of stairs for Gym class with Kellie Dexter in eighth grade.  I hated gym.
Running around and smiling at everyone after my High School graduation.  The grass was dry.  Elizabeth Klebenow said it looked like hay.  It was slightly overcast and very windy.
The ninth-grade lock in, trying to catch a glimpse of Jake Gamauf wherever I went and sometimes going down to sing karaoke in the choir room.
Watching Clue with my theater friends in Wes's basement.
Storytime at Barnes and Noble, back when it was in that strip mall by Toys R' Us.  My favorite lady at Storeytime had short red hair, smiley wrinkles, and big glasses.
Having the Stratmans show up at my door one day.  Aaron said, "We're not here to play."  And then Shannon said, "We're just here to deliver a table."
Talking to Ingrid on the bus about how a bag of some sort of snack said it had both natural AND artificial flavors.  We wondered how that could even be.
Having this girl named Chelsea complain about her boobs as we changed into our pajamas one night, after she invited herself to sleep over at my house.
Turning up "Poker Face" as loud as possible as I drove my jeep out of the Senior Campus parking lot.  In front of Jack Lassonde.
Learning the word "pusillanimous" in my tenth-grade English class.  Ms. Sadar always wore clothing that reminded me of the "avant-garde."
Singing a high G on a thursday morning as the Singers n' Swingers sang "Let there be peace on earth."  Ms. Bakken said, "Good job, Hannah."
Senora Walls teaching us Spanish back in elementary school.  Whenever a certain part of one of the songs came on, she wagged her head around, and her big hair would whip back and forth.
Wearing Caitlyn's multi-colored skirt to Provo church one day, and feeling uncomfortable about how short it was, and how I would have rather worn her big green flowy skirt.
Talking with my mom about politics until we were both crying in the unique parking lot.
Watching the first ten minutes of the movie "Easy A" with Mark before turning it off.
Having Jeramy and Ashley sing the "Happy Happy Hannah, you look like a Banana" song.
Sitting with Liseth Flores and Allison Oatley at lunch in seventh grade.
Making chocolate pudding with Ellen.


Listening to:  Aubrey Growling.
Things Going On Today: Boyfriend.
Blessings: Orange Juice.
Learned:  A little about the Salt Lake Temple building structure.

Let's Play the Guessing Game...

My next reading adventure:

  

  

I'll give you a clue.  What do all of these pictures have in common?

Listening to:  "He Calls Home" by Candlebox
Things Going On Today:  Come home from a Girl's night sleepover with my old roommate.
Learned:  Candlebox...  Why it exists.
Blessings:  Rain.

Anna Anna Bo-Banna

FINISHED Anna Karenina. 


FINALLY.  

That took FOREVER.  Over eight hundred pages and two whole semesters later, I can finally say that I have completely read an entire work by Leo Tolstoy.  I am so proud of myself, and the best part is that it was IN NO WAY a waste of time, reading that book.  

Tolstoy lived during a time when the family unit was beginning to fall under a lot of scrutiny and ridicule.  For many, families weren't the solution to society's problems anymore.  Love between couples didn't always last.  Divorce became more acceptable and frequent. Tolstoy, however, believed that the family had an important role in society.  He shared a lot of similar beliefs that members of the LDS Church have about divorce and family relationships.  He also had strong feelings about equality in society, as well as the Russian systems of government.  I won't go into the political can of worms, but I'd like to talk a little bit more about the more social aspects discussed in Anna Karenina.     

Anna Karenina is all about relationships.  Relationships that work, and relationships that don't work. Tolstoy begins his novel by saying, "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."  He then backs up this profound statement by telling the stories of a series of characters who form relationships with each other.  Even though they all have different circumstances, I see that they all have one thing in common:  They are all seeking happiness for themselves, and almost all of them fail miserably at finding it.  Anna ends up super paranoid that Vronsky's going to abandon her.  Dolly becomes this jaded and miserable woman who doesn't understand her husband. Oblonsky falls into debt. Vronsky is so worked up about his image in society that he kind of ignores the really important problems that are going on at home.  Kitty ends up getting her heart broken hard-core when Vronsky picks Anna over her. Shortly put, there are lots of unhappy people in this novel, and they all become unhappy for a variety of reasons, just as Tolstoy hypothesized.  

BUT.. there is one couple in the novel that ends up happy in the end.  That is Levin and Kitty.  Why?  What is that thing that they share with other happy families?  I think Tolstoy hits on the answer to that question in the last few pages of his book.  My favorite character in the book is Levin, because he's always so sincere and meek and he just wants to make the world a better place.  He's falls in love with Kitty, and after a lot of pursuing, he finally wins her and they end up married.  But then he learns pretty fast that marriage ain't one big picnic and he still has the same insecurities and problems that he had before.  Levin is struggling over the moral dilemma of how to treat the poor, and he wonders if there really is a God out there who cares.  After months of depression and confusion, Levin finally has this epiphany and learns that TRUE happiness comes from TRUE goodness, and TRUE goodness is free from selfishness and thought of reward.  We shouldn't be doing good things in order to avoid a punishment or to get a blessing.  We should just be good because good is good.  It has nothing to do with what we want, or what someone else wants, or what the world wants.  We just need to care about what God, who is the ultimate epitome of goodness, wants. It's a "My will, not thy will" philosophy.  And that's the key to a happy life and a happy marriage.  If both you and your spouse are working to do what God wants you to do, you'll be happy together. Levin soon finds out that it's not as easy as it sounds, being good ALL the time, but as long as you've got the right attitude, you're trying hard, and you have the goal in mind, you can be assured that you will be able to find happiness in any situation.  

On the more negative flip side, there are characters in the book who THINK they can find happiness by being selfish and only caring about fulfilling their own desires, but that only leads to a world of instability, heartache, and misery.  Look at Anna.  She thought that she'd be happy with Vronsky, but by having the affair she lost the respect of people she cared about, and she was forever separated from her son (who was a much more true source of happiness), and she ended up killing herself out of jealousy and revenge for something Vronsky never did.  What I've learned from Anna is this: Disobedience and dishonesty eventually will lead to bad things.  There's a very practical thing that I sort of wish couples today could understand. If you are unfaithful to your spouse or partner, who's to say that the person you're cheating with won't up and betray you just as quickly?  And really, deep down, I think Anna knew that what she did was wrong, and you just can't be happy if you're living in constant guilt and shame.  Furthermore, I think another reason why Anna and Vronsky failed was because they didn't really communicate.  Vronsky tried really hard, but Anna never really said exactly what was on her mind.   She'd just get mad for no apparent reason.  How do you think that made Vronsky feel?  The key here is this:  You need to actually TELL your husband what's wrong.  If you have a problem, talk about it.  Be candid.  Say how you feel.  Be specific.  If you bottle up your feelings, you may end up going stinking crazy like Anna did.  You may not end up throwing yourself under a train, but I'll tell ya, it's a miserable existence when you constantly feel misunderstood.  You don't have to feel that way.  

This book hit on a lot of subjects that I think are very important for us today.  It's definitely shaped the way I go about my relationships with my roommates, my family, and my boyfriend.  I think good novels reveal truth about the human experience.  Anna Karenina definitely does this for me.  

PS

Remember those pictures of Kierra Knightly and Jude Law that I posted?  The reason why I used them as clues for guessing this book is because there is a MOVIE being made based off of this novel.  It's currently in post-production and is set to release on the Ninth of November.  Kierra, of course, is playing Anna and Jude Law is going to be her husband Karenin.  Check out this picture!  It's so epic!!  I'm SO EXCITED.  

Listening to:  "All Alone" by Fun. 

Blessings: Three-day Weekends. 

Learned:  Leo Tolstoy had thirteen children.  He was born in 1828 and he died at a Railway station (which is ironic... That's where Anna died.) in 1910. This was right before the Communist revolution in 1917.  I wonder how Tolstoy felt about the Communists.  

Things Going On Today:  A barbecue... or maybe a recital.  I don't know which one I'm going to yet.   

A Few of the Lesser-Known Reasons Why Having a Boyfriend is So Great

So if you don't know yet, I have recently acquired a boyfriend.  And since I have made this acquisition, I have discovered a lot of really good uses for boyfriends -- and not just the kinds of uses you expect, like how he pays for your movie ticket or gives you kisses.  Those are always nice, of course, but there are other things I didn't really take notice of until now...
So here it is.  My list of some great things that come with having a boyfriend.  It's an ever-growing list, I'm sure.

1.  Someone to serve.  One of my first resolutions I made after making the realization that we were dating was this:  To make his life easier in any way possible, big or small.  I got him a microwave a while back, and it felt SO GOOD showing up at his house and seeing him smile at the sight of it.  I've helped him with homework, lent him my printer, given him compliments.  He's always so thankful.  It's like a high.
Sidenote:  It's funny... ever since Boyfriend happened, I've had this strange urge to do... dare I say it this way?... domestic things.  Like make him food and clean his house and be a total girl.  And if you know anything about me, I'm not that kind of girl, normally.  Boyfriend has a strange influence over me that way.
2.  A greater appreciation for time management.  Now that Boyfriend is around, I naturally want to spend time with him.  But that can only happen if I have finished all the things I need to do, first.  Homework, shower, clean, work, then Boyfriend.  I kid you not, I have never EVER gotten things done so fast in my LIFE.  I get all my homework done, and even get ahead (gasp!) before six o'clock every night.  And I even usually have time to take a decent shower, look nice, clean a little...  It's great!
3.  Boyfriend knows a ton about movies.  I've seen more films in the past month than I've seen for the whole rest of this year.  Avengers, Chronicle, Waiting for Guffman, my first Mission Impossible movie... The list does go on. We have a growing list of movies I haven't seen that I need to see.  And he has a lot of random facts and trivia about movies swimming around in his head, and on a rare occasion, he's willing to geek out in my presence and I gain a lot of film-major insights.  The same thing happens with baseball, male hygiene, and Bob Dylan.
4.  I now have a reason to wear perfume.  Boyfriend is a little more smell-conscious than I have ever been.  If I can't appreciate the aroma of perfume and body spray, maybe he at least will.  The same applies to shaving my legs... I never saw the point, but now I think it's worth investing time into that activity, for his sake.


Listening to:  Rhett and Link