Fridaaaaay, Fridaaaay, Friday is my favorite day.

Last night I had my first real dream about my crush.  In this dream, we weren't cousins, I wasn't dating his roommate, and he didn't just sit in the background.  I dreamed that we were both in the back seat of a car, and  he put his arm around me and told me that he had just got his driver's license and wanted to take me out on a real date.  We pulled up to one of those haunted house things, but it was still broad daylight, so we decided to wait in the car until it got dark before we went in.
Then the dream changed and I was sitting in the car with my ex-boyfriend's fiancee's best friend.  I've never actually met my ex-boyfriend's fiancee's best friend, but in my head, I imagined her to be a plumper woman who wore jewel tones and wore fun feathers in her hair. At one point or another I found myself saying to her, "Well, I totally approve of you marrying him," but then I caught myself and said, "I totally approve of Rachel marrying him."  We parked in a parking lot, surrounded by dozens of Indian children.  They were all chanting "Hari Krishna."
But then I dreamed that I was suddenly in Professor McGonagall's house (yes, as in Maggie Smith in all her wizarding glory), whitewashing her old apartment in order to pay for my room and board. My dad was there, saying he was proud of me for having such a good work ethic.  I was wearing my purple plaid shirt.

Dreams are for rookies.

Things going on today:  Women's Chorus Concert
Blessings:  Waking up before your alarm.
Learned:   Janelle Monae is a wonderful dancer.
Listening to:  "Tightrope" by Janelle Monae

It's Friday Friday Gotta Get Down on Friday...

Actually it's not Friday.  It's Saturday.  But I do have a dream for you and this one's a doozie!


So I can't remember where it started, but a friend of mine -- Jake --  from freshman year was at my house back home in Minnesota.  I haven't seen him since Thanksgiving, but he's been in a lot of my dreams lately.  His parents were there.  They told me to lie down under their car while they ran over me.  I saw them doing it to Jake earlier and he turned out just fine, but I was still scared.  It took some egging on from his parents before I let myself sink down under their big SUV-sized car. I watched the bottom of the car move above me.  The wheels didn't crush me and it didn't really hurt, but I could definitely feel the pressure on my stomach.  It was like someone was stepping on me, sort of.  Jake was really proud of me, though, for doing it.

Then the dream changed and suddenly I was in some bleachers somewhere before a big event.  I couldn't tell what the event was, but I saw some women's chorus girls there, and my mom, who was talking to a guy in a deaf band (don't know how that one works...).  I was able to talk to him in sign for a little while, about brothers and sisters or something like that.  I recognize all of the signs that I used in the dream.  He looked kind of cute, in a young boy sort of way. His hair was long and straight and almost covered his eyes, and when I saw a picture of them in a newspaper, I noticed that they all looked like that except with different hair color.  I also read in the newspaper that they were opening for Lady Gaga, which made me excited.

Then I went outside and and noticed dusk was setting in.  My roommate's friend Madison was there, planting cheerios, saying they were seeds.  Everyone laughed at her at first, but after a while some popular kids I knew from high school actually started to believe that the Cheerios were seeds and started planting them too.  I laughed at their folly and set fire to all the cheerios.  Now there were a bunch of green flames sprouting from the ground.

The dream changed again.  Now I was in a garage with my roommate's friends girlfriend, Jenny.  It's the kind of garage you would see at a car repair shop, with a bunch of doors next to each other.  She was hiding from someone... someone was chasing her?  I didn't really care if she got caught one way or the other, I was just riding along.  She kept going in an out of each of the garage doors.  I wasn't quite sure what that would accomplish, but I let her do it anyway.

Yup...  I wonder what Freud would think about all this.  He'd probably think I felt sexually pressured by past loves.  My list of past romantic experiences isn't long, but it does include Jake and Jenny's boyfriend.  There also may be this subconscious fear I have with upcoming ASL exams, which I need to ace in order to get an A in the class.  Thus, I sign in my dream.
He might also say that I am suppressing a deep desire to be in the in-crowd.  Madison and those popular kids throwing cheerio-seeds may represent to me the "popular group" that I subconsciously wish I was a part of.  But don't I try to reject what they offer by burning their seeds?  I'm confused at my own self-conscious...


Listening to:  Nothing at the moment.
Things Going On today:  Emily's show, humanities test, ASL video, and a singing recital.
Blessings:  It didn't snow hard enough for me to have to come in to work.  Praise be.

Friday Dream: Hansel and Gretl

I had this dream last night (while sleeping on the couch in my grandmother's house) that the story of Hansel and Gretl was actually an allegory for this strange magic that allowed you to move things with your mind. Apparently Hansel represented the emotional and passionate part of the brain while Gretl represented the logical. The moment you unlock the logical, structured part of the brain, you could move things just by focusing on them and the things that make it up. It was a very interesting, very real dream. I remember I was in a courtyard at the Riviera looking for Collin, so overcome with emotion I was moving things without trying. Apparently Emily and Collin's mother died, and I had to go tell him the bad news. But he was a little lest phased by it than I was. Not sure why.

When I woke up, I tried to move a magazine across the table using the Hansel/Gretl technique, but I couldn't do it. I was depressed.

Blessings: My family, the gifts I get for Christmas.
Things Going on Today: It's Christmas Eve!!
Listening To: One EskimO: "Kandi"

Friday Dream: A Brave New World

I had a strange dream last night. I dreamt the city of Brooklyn (don't know why it was Brooklyn) was taken over by some guy who had this really monopolistic, brainwashing form of government that allowed for no rebellion of any kind. If you find out too much about how the government was controlling the minds and lives of the populace, you would be kicked out... or severely punished... or killed. Think Ba Sing Sei for all you Avatar fans out there. Everything in the town was green. Everyone wore green clothes, the buildings were green, and the symbol (swatstika?) of the government was on everything. They had a strict entrance-and-exit policy, and everything was background-checked. Everyone was going on living their lives, completely unaware that there were secret societies controlling their every move from behind closed doors. My friend Aaron S. was there; he found out about what was happening, and the next thing I remember, I saw him right outside the gate, in a cage. They took the cage, dragged it to a cliff, and chucked it over the edge with him still inside it. It was scary. Suddenly I needed to get out of there, and fast. So I found some friends and we escaped (how? I don't remember). But before we knew it we were in this northern exposure-type wilderness. We found this bat.. it was blue, sort of reminded me of Toothless from How to Train Your Dragon. He could talk, and he really loved Brooklyn. Hated what this new regime had done to it. So he helped us by flying us away from these government scouts who were tracking us. We made it to this quaint little town on a mountain and there we found Hannah H. She was a spy for the government. We found that out and stole her computer and then trashed her car and threw snow in it. But when we had her computer, we couldn't get the password. We tried everything, but eventually we had to locate a hacker who could open up her files. Then we needed internet access, so we flew all over this tiny town (which somewhat resembled BYU campus...) looking for a WiFi hot spot. When that failed, the bat we were flying found a pink parachute and we sailed away from the mountain town on that.
Then, suddenly, I was in the chamber of the ruler of this new government. Somehow or another, I had gained his trust. He was explaining the benefits of this new government system to me: how everyone would be equal and happy in this Brave New World.... I go up to the next floor, but then his wife comes in. He leans out the window with his wife, but when his wife want him to kiss her, he's too busy looking over his big-shot government notes and she gets angry, throws his head against the side of the brick building, cracks his head open, and then throws him out the window which is like seven or eight stories above ground. I watched this from the floor above.
And that's about when I woke up. What a strange dream. They usually don't have as complex of plot lines as these ones did.

Listening to: Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer"
Blessings: Sleeping in, no snow, one more slice of pumpkin pie
Things Going on Today: two women's chorus christmas peformances. Blegh.

Oh Yes, and a dream...

Forgot it's friday...

So my dream a few nights ago was a weird one. I dreamt that Elder Wall-E was home from his mission, and I went up to campus from my apartment to meet him. I cross 700, cross 800, walk up the rape hill ramp, and I'm passing between the Benson Building and the JSB when I realize there's a bunch of people in that green area, waiting for some speaker to come and give a presentation out on the lawn. For some reason, I concluded that person to be Elder W. So I was really surprised when he tapped my shoulder. I asked why he wasn't preparing to go and talk to all those waiting people. He said they can wait, and then led me back over to the back of the JSB.
The rape hill ramp was now gone. Instead, there was a hundred-foot drop-off behind the Joseph Smith Building, with nothing to help us get around it on that side except for a small bridge thing. It was more like a wrap-around balcony, actually, connected to the JSB and with a railing on the outside so that people wouldn't fall off. I've seen plenty of balconies like that at multi-level apartment complexes.
Except this one had caved in at the middle. Instead of walking on the stone walkway, eventually you had to walk on the barred handrails instead because the walkway went vertical on you. That's just what Elder Waffle and I decided to do. We crossed that bridge, hanging on for dear life as we inched our way along the treacherous path. It was like climbing around on a jungle gym, except if you fell, there wouldn't be a nice bed of sand to catch your fall. I don't even remember how far that forested hill went down. I was scared.
But we did make it across, and suddenly Elder Whistle was just laying on the ground, wearing nothing but a blue bedsheet. I sat down beside him and stroked the back of his leg, right at the crook of his knee. And for some reason, I felt as if someone was petting my own in the exact same place, though I don't remember if someone was actually there or not.

Then I woke up.

20

I am twenty years old.

Do you know how WEIRD that sounds??
It's early. My roommates woke me up at six thirty in the morning with a birthday crepe (yep, you read that right. CREPE.) and a candle. Emily accidently blew the candle out while singing but that was okay.

The funny thing about this morning experience was I was in the very epicenter of a full-fledged dream. I was at a family gathering up at my grandparents' house. It was almost like a Grad party, with tables and chairs set up outside and a big table full of plates, knives, forks, etc. in a garage that in reality does not exist at my g'rents home. All of my mom's side of the family was there, including this white dog that no one seemed to own. This dog liked shoes, and so we'd chase it around trying to play keep-away with these random blue and white shoes that nobody seemed to own. The West girls were there, which was also random. Apparently, I was engaged, though my fiancee was nowhere to be found. But anyway, all I really remember doing is running around the house chasing after this dog with these shoes. But suddenly I decided to go into that garage and talk with my mom about throwing parties like this. I'm in the doorway to the garage when I suddenly hear singing behind me. I turn around to see who's birthday it is...

And then I realize the people singing are my roommates. With a birthday crepe. At the foot of my bed in my apartment. It's my birthday.

I am twenty years old.

Nope. Never gonna get over that one.

First Apartment Dreams

I had some funny dreams last night. I was in my new apartment, sleeping in this bed for the first time. It got very hot, so I woke up once or twice, so I had a few completely separate dreams.
First off... I dreamt I was traveling across a green landscape on a train with a bunch of my friends from church and from high school. We stopped at this big hotel and Mike Sanderson was giving piggy-back rides there. I got one. But then I saw Jordan Beal and suddenly we started this teenage romance thing. He asked me if I was his friend or his enemy. I said friend and then he let me wear his big lumberjack sweater. It wasn't long til we were both under the sweater, keeping warm together.
Then Sister Mason came in and told us she was pregnant. The Deavens were worried about whether or not that meant they could still have their voice recitals.

Then I dreamt that I was flying kites out on a dock next to the wild ocean. It was night time, and I was in my underwear. It began to rain. Then, out of nowhere, I was up on the kite ... still almost naked. Eminem was down there, "flying" me into the rain. Then a giant red and black fish came out of the water and snapped at me. Eminem said that he wouldn't let me die; he'd save me. So he flew me higher so that the fish could never reach me.

Yes, interesting dreams.
The one with Jordan felt very real. Suddenly I like him again.

Dr. Brennan dreams this week.

Okay weirdest, most passionate dream I've had in a while last night.
I dreamt I was over at the Deavens and they had an even younger brother who was fifteen years old, a sketch artist, and SO HOT. I dreamt somewhere along the line I got knocked out and when I woke up, he was hovering over my head saying "Baby, you okay?" Turns out I had had sex with the man and fainted in the process. So for the rest of the dream I was following him around, wanting to have sex with him again. I didn't even for a minute think about how it was totally illegal for me -- a nineteen year old woman -- to have sexual relations with a fifteen-year-old. But then he told me "I'm running away to Chicago and we'll never see each other again." And that killed me. It killed his family, too. All this time they were pining at the decisions made by this little brother -- I think his name was Troy. So I tried asking Troy if he loved his family one day when he needed to close a window down in his basement bedroom. He was in a hurry, because another young teenage friend was just outside waiting for him. He answered "Yes, and no." I also asked Troy why I had fainted and gotten amnesia, and he insisted that it was his amazing sex that did it. He was almost proud of it. And then I decided to pretend to faint again just to see whether or not he would respond. I heard him go over it in his head. "Okay... last time, what did I do? I got my sister, laid over her head and called her baby. Yes, that did it." So he did that. That's when I pretended to come to and said in a slurred voice, "I'm not your baby." And he kept saying yes you are! That's when I left him. Got in the car with my sister, and tried to drive for home. Except county road 13 was all blocked off. Apparently there was some new security logistics I had to pass through. My cousin riley was there. We had to take off our shoes and walk this maze made out of cardboard. It was small and relatively easy but the pathways were so thin and flimsy I just knew one of us was going to fall right through. So I tried cheating. I tried hopping from path to path until the end. That almost got me disqualified so then I went back and tried sliding on my butt all the way across. I was the last person to finish, and I was complaining the whole time. "What about people with bad vision perception?" I asked. "They wouldn't be driving 13 to begin with!" Someone said. "Okay, what about the people who don't work well under pressure? Or the morbidly obese! Pretty sure this thing is about to give way under me and I'm only 135 pounds!" I felt like a black woman with 'tude. They kept saying we had to do this. When I was finally done, I went over to a security woman and asked, "Why is there so much ridiculous security on this road?" And she answered, "See that skull tattoo on my hand? That's the mark of Seely Booth. He instigated this process. Then I said, "Well, I'm Temperance Brennan." "How do you do, Dr?" The woman responded, suddenly very respectful. "I'm fine, but I'm going to have a word with Booth about this. This is ridiculous." I responded. Then I left, and by that time I was waking up.


I had another dream where I was Temperance Brennan. I was running away from my father, who was a high-and-mighty politician. I ran all the way to the junior high school and my best friend was there (I don't think she exists in real life). She led me to a car which was actually a trap laid by my father. So I ran away and found my boyfriend, who looked like Elder Walley, and we flew off together... literally flew. We flew over the trees and the buildings and suddenly we were in Canada and it was dark and snowy. We stopped in a little wooden attic and there we had oral sex. I looked in a mirror and saw Dr. Brennan.


I keep seeing myself as Dr. Brennan in my dreams. Do I see her as myself? Obviously I'm also horny because all my dreams are about sex. Who can decide what they dream though? I guess I can decide not to talk about it... but I didn't.

Friday Dream: Surreal and Spooky

I had a dream a few nights ago that was quite shocking for me. It was deadpan. No melodrama, no color, no nothing. Very dry and blunt.
All I remember is chasing after someone who was going to commit suicide. I don't remember who the person was, but I remember the love and worry and pain I felt over that person. He(or she) had gone insane, was looking for a gun. I wanted to stop him(her).
So I'm running. Past the duck pond and then into this huge desert. Like in a western film. There I stand, as the person I love goes to a shed, finds a gun, and points it at me. Suddenly my mom is behind me and he shoots her hard in the chest. She's not dead, but she's on the ground, screaming. "JUST DO IT!" she said, wanting to escape the pain in the only way she could think of. So he(she) did. Shot her in the back, and she was dead.
Then he(she) shot himself, and I watched.
It was a very scary dream. No background noise, just gun shots and screaming. No filter at all. I woke up very afraid.

But I knew it was all just a dream so I am fine now.

Listening to: Lady Gaga interviews
Things going on today: Ugh. Work.

EMPLOYED.

Status: Single Student. EMPLOYED.

Yes, I got the job. Very very happy right now.

That's really all.

Oh, it's Friday! Here comes a dream i had just last night:

It's about my gorgeous calculus teacher. I dreamt I went back and visited elementary school (which I did actually do yesterday) and there he was! I pretended not to notice him as I passed him outside a couple of times, but finally, as I was crossing the street, I said, "Oh, Mr. C! So nice to see you again!"
He was wearing (of all things...) roller skates, a green shirt, with a purple blazer. "Hannah! How's college?"
"Great! Swept a 4.0 both semesters! Things are good!"

Then the Stratmans showed up and humiliated me. I don't know how this happened, but Sister Stratman wanted Mr. C to take a book of mormon. So she shoved it in his face and I was really embarrassed for him. I tried to hide, so I went into my room (I somehow magically got there...)
Suddenly Mr. C. with his cute little nerdy glasses was in my room. I apologized for how up-front sister stratman was about the book of mormon thing and he said, "Oh, that's fine. Really. I just wanted to get this back to you."
He handed me an orange notebook I once wrote in back in Jr. High. "Gee, thanks!" I said. "Umm... why do you have this?"
"Stratmans gave it to me."
Suddenly I got worried. I remembered writing personal stuff in there. How much had he read? There couldn't be anything... too private... in there, could there?
"Oh," I responded. "Um, well, how much did you.. did you read?"
Mr. C smiled, turned and began walking away, "Oh, I read as much as I needed."
"About the church?"
"Nah," he walked through the doorway into the hallway, "About your crush on me."
I looked down at the first page of the diary and to my horror, I read the words, "I'm almost embarrassed to tell you this, but I love Mr. C!"

GAAAAAAAH.


Feelings about it:
Well, first off I still really like this teacher, even though I haven't seen him in a year. I want to go visit all my high school teachers but it takes extra time and I fear going in there and saying, "Hey! I'm visiting even though I was a crazy student who obviously liked you last year. You may be very busy, and you may now have forgotten me, but I'm here to say hi anyway."

Guh.

Don't know why the Stratmans are so antagonistic in my dream. Maybe it's just the fact that they're facing some troubled times right now and I am not quite in agreement with some of their actions.

As for elementary school, I went back and visited it yesterday and oh my, things have changed, yet so many things have stayed the same! The Cafeteria, the Blue, Yellow, Orange, and Green Centers, the Library. So many memories (not so good ones, to be sure) flooded back to me as I walked those halls. I even ran into a couple of my old teachers. Some recognized me, others didn't.

I felt like such an adult in there. My mom was there to teach a music appreciation class, and after her lecture, she introduced me and I told them I was in college. I realized as I talked to them that I was a "grown-up" to those kids. There are only two ages for a kid: "Grown up" and "kid." I definitely wasn't "Kid." I had breasts, a grown-up voice, and a grown-up dimeanor. There really was no age difference between me, my mom, or their teacher. We were all "grown up." Brings me back to the whole Peter Pan concept I was thinking about yesterday. I can't go back to childhood. I'm in my own Neverland, in a way. A land where you can Never be a kid again. Hm.

So yeah. Dream. I love Mr. C.

They have TAKEN ME

Finals are upon me again.

Sociology: Okay
New Testament: Ew

I will be studying quite a bit so I won't be online for a while.

But before I leave you, a dream...


I sort of took this as an "end of the world, second-coming dream" even though it was narrated in my head by Adam Sandler. I went into this floor of the BYU Library with all these golden shelves and cool display flat screens and I came across this book that sort of came to life on a screen as I opened it.
Cue Adam Sandler: "This is how the world will end.

The people of God will build him a house."


And suddenly, I was there, with my sister, in a Dali-esque blue plane of a feild, building a house, brick by ugly gray brick. These bricks were huge... At least five feet across, so we had to lift them together. There will other people with us, of course. Lots of other happy, smiling LDS members, building this giant house out of gray castle bricks.

Before I knew it the house was done. Cue Adam Sandler again:

"And when the house was complete, then came God back into the world."

We build this house with a peaked roof and a skylight at the top. We all looked up, crying tears of joy and I saw this brilliant light appear in the skylight. I held my sister's hand. The light overcame us all...

The end.

Hmmmmyeah. Back to studying.

Once Upon a Dream...

I dreamt last night that there were four dragons -- one blue, one red, one yellow, and one green -- flying around my neighborhood trying to attack each other. It left the entire landscape looking like charcoal. They even blew off our roof where the chandelier ordinarily hangs. For some reason or another, the green dragon decided to stay at our place and it was then that I realized that the dragons weren't dragons at all, but people in colored jumpsuits sliding around on these sleds and holding these weird looking torches that allowed you to blow colored fire. I decided to put on the green "dragon's" outfit and go out and find these other foes and tear them to pieces so our neighborhood wouldn't get destroyed.

I got down to Hunter's house (not the Hunter I went on a date with... this is an old Hunter) and found the blue dragon. But the blue dragon was actually David my Deaf TA looking sexier than ever. What was I to do? I didn't want to kill him! He was so beautiful! But the red dragon made the decision for me and blew him down.

Aaaaaand that's the end.

Friday Dream: Mexico?

I dreamt that I was at a grocery store back in Burnsville that was melded in with my old Junior High School building. I walked around the school/store wearing nothing but a thong and a bra. I was uncomfortable, but I did not show it. I walked with pride.
My New Testament teacher walked up to me and asked if he had seen me in Mexico a few months before. I told him I had never seen him before and that I had never been to Mexico. He was really confused. I was too.

Yeah. Dream.
Wonder what it means.
Well, it means I'm watching too much Lady Gaga and that I am still worried about my grades.


Things going on today: That date with Elder Wright, Sherlock Holmes tonight afterward. No class today.
Listening to: Rogue Machine, by the Daylights

It's Friday

Yes, it's Friday. Time for a dream...

I already included two dreams for you this week, but this one I think is a little more blatant:

I dreamt that my ASL class had switched buildings. It was 7 AM, so there was hardly anyone there. It's was up on the fifth or sixth floor, and when I tried to get up there I got totally lost. I finally found a sort of "secret floor" between floors number five and six and found it, but by that time class had already started and the quiz had just finished. Professor Blackburn was collecting them from the students. I asked if I could take the quiz, but she said no. I was late, so I missed the test. I began to cry because I knew this test had a huge impact on my grade but she would simply not allow me to take the test. My feelings moved from fear to humiliation to sorrow to anger to everything in between. Everything but happiness.

So obviously I'm worried about my grades. And yes, it's ASL that's the make-or-break for me this semester. It's a 4-credit class, so it has a HUGE effect on my GPA. And it involves online quizzes that are only open for 24 hours. A few weeks ago, I missed one. That brought my grade down from 92 percent to 86 percent. Yikes.
I know what you're thinking: So what? It's a B+! But keep in mind it's halfway through the semester already and I gotta maintain an A- average to keep my full-ride scholarship. So yeah... I wanna bring this grade up. I asked if I could take the quiz, even though I missed it, and Professor Blackburn said no. She was very nice about it, though, and promised there would be extra credit opportunities. Sure enough, she just posted a ten-point movie op that will bring my grade back to an A-. There's just no more room for error, though. That's a little scary.

Two Dreams

I had two dreams this week of note.
My first one involved getting married into a foursome of two girls and two boys. I only liked one of them and we ended up having sex in a disgusting bathroom. Things were okay though, because we asked what our favorite colors were, first. I forgot the color he said was his favorite. Oh well...

And last night I had a dream my sixteen-year-old sister was living in a trailer van and drinking beer with a bunch of other tenth graders. When I found out, I poked holes in all of the cans and crushed them on her van floor. She cried and I ran out to tell our parents. She disappeared after that.

I don't get it either. I would NEVER want to have sex in a moldy bathroom, no matter who I was havin' sex with. And my sister is probably the most saintlike, angelic, clean person you could ever meet. I don't think she's ever actually even SEEN a can of beer in real life. Oh well. Dreams are dreams.

By the way, I have been asking God if it wouldn't be too much to ask to get the Maestro to dream about me once in a while. Dreams on missions can be about anything, can't they? Aren't they just impressions from the self-conscious. I know I'm back there in his inner psyche somewhere. How could I not be? I was the last person he kissed... at least, I think I was. Either way, I'm sure he remembers me. Why can't God make him dream about me?
I suppose I shouldn't use God that way.

Workaholic

I am learning the value of work this month. Huge projects, big tests, no time.
But I almost enjoy the high of studying hard and getting work done before play. I'm preparing for next year, where odds are I'll be living almost completely on my own. I'll have a lot of time on my hands, and I best be doing things worthwhile, like getting good grades and being successful.
Is this bad for me? After all, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
But lets be honest, have I EVER been dull?


DREAM of the WEEK:
Last night I dreamt there was a karaoke party in my dorm lobby. There were some giant matresses we got to sing on and we'd all bounce up and down with microphones in our hands. I sang my own impression of "Hey Jude," which sounded pretty good to my ears, actually. Then the Killers showed up and did their thing and of course blew us all out of the water. I made fun of Brandon Flowers' funny dances he does and he got offended.
In the meantime, one of my roommates was complaining about how her mother hates her. And another one was mad at me because I was quitting facebook... which I am, for a few weeks. Til all this work stuff is done. Anyway... that's my dream for the week.

Listening to: "God's Green Earth" by Point of Grace. Fun gospel tune.
Things happening today: Aural skills exam (which I know I will fail; that's why I'm taking it early), ASL lab.

By the Way...

By the way, last night I dreamed about my ex-boyfriend. We broke up exactly a year ago...
Just thought I'd plug that in.

A Nightmare...

Last night I had a nightmare. a Bona fide nightmare.

I was with my church group... we were all in our trek shirts, so I'm assuming that I was back on the trek I had last month. We were on trains, driving to several various church sites. But on our way to one, this giant robotic THING came out of nowhere and with him came all this fire and destruction. All the kids fell into a pit. The robot reached out his hand, stuck it into the pit, scooped up six or seven kids, and ATE THEM. I can still hear the crunching of their bones. He looked evil. He had big eyes... kind of like "The Iron Giant" except bigger and oranger and with fire coming from somewhere on his body. There was fire everywhere. Somehow I managed to not fall in the pit. So I tried to run and hide behind one of the burning train cares. But he saw me and reached out his hand and said "more." I was more scared than I had ever been in a dream. I bolted.

For some reason, the robot decided he was content to eat the kids in the pit. So I saw a whole bunch of my fellow churchgoing priests and laurels get chomped up and swallowed. Somehow I got the courage to come close to him and ask him, "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!"

He spoke in this deep, mechanical voice that ran through my body and eventually woke me up. "I was built to take care of this place... well, I was... hahaha!" Then he chomped up a whole bunch of kids again. I felt like I was going to be sick. Then he said, "You should have seen how my creator begged to not be destroyed. He said 'I own and maintain you! You can't eat me!' OWN AND MAINTAIN! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Then he laughed this maniacal laugh that made his eyes get all flamy and red and psycho and then he dove into the pit and ate everyone. I woke up to the sound of this laugh. I was shaking all over. It was still early in the morning, but I was afraid to go back to sleep.

Eventually I did, though. Then I dreamed that I was driving over this bridge and I ended up crashing my car through a concrete barrier and jumping from the bride I was on to another bridge. My friends were in the car with me, and they told me I just did something not only dangerous, but illegal. So we left the car on the bridge next to the broken concrete and ran. We went under the bridge into the river that was under us, and there we waited and watched as other drivers on the bridge stopped and looked at my white camry that was just sitting on the bridge with no owner. We feared the police would come, so Elizabeth Rhinevault, who happened to be with us, decided to to something about it. She swam until she was directly beneath the parked car on the bridge, and she spoke in a chipmunky voice. She said that she was carrying a bunch of druggies in the car, and they fell out of the car, crashed the barrier, and fell into the river. She then asked those who were up by the vehicle -- namely Mrs. Graff, who happened to be passing by -- to stay until we got out of the river and back to the car. There was no damage on the car, so they assumed Elizabeth was telling the truth and so they stayed. We swam out of the river and back up to the car. Then I woke up again.

I've had some weird dreams. That robot dream still freaks me out.

Oh, it's the fourth of July. Happy fourth all!!

A Successful Dream

I had a dream last night! Finally!
It wasn't that great of a dream... I remember that me and a couple other people I know from school and church were playing these short soccer games. We all had different color t-shirts on. My team happened to be yellow, and this girl named Elizabeth was on my team. Apparently, we were worried about our performances in the games, because when these two other boys show up wearing yellow shirts, we get excited. They are the Athlete and one of his friends. Both play baseball in real life, so they were also wearing their baseball pants, cleats, socks, and hats. We knew that their athleticism would help us in the game. I never actually got to see them play, though. I remember playing myself... I would score quite a few goals, or assist in them. I really wondered why we were in such trouble. I felt like I was playing on an empty feild. There was even no goalie guarding the goal, half the time. I don't know what that was about.
Well, apparently after the games we ate refreshments provided by one of my church leaders who was there. Then she talked about how she had found these cardboard walls that she wished to keep over her bed, but they kept falling apart. So she was looking for a new bed cover. (???????)
Suddenly I was in my dad's old office, looking up and down the hallways for something. I haven't a clue what I was looking for, but there I was.
So yeah, that's my lame dream. I look back on it, and it's not as exciting as what I had hoped. Sorry I bored you, dear readers.

Today, Dreams, Dake, Thaddeus, and Music.

I did a lot today.

Well, sort of. I slept in a lot because, as you may know, I stayed up really late last night. But when I got up, I showered, practiced my pit music, mowed the lawn, massaged my grandmother's back, and clean up a little.

I am very tired now.

My friend Thunderchild has been talking about dreams she's had. I, for one, have not had many dreams these days, which is sort of depressing. I used to have dreams all the time. I'd write them down and share them with my friends and analyze them. But now there's nothing. I wake up every morning with nothing but the morning on my mind. My friend Dake told me that you are guaranteed to have dreams if you imagine a blue cloud/liquid flowing to the back of your head. Something about chokras or whatever.... Dake's been very weird these days. He likes ouija boards and auras and stuff like that. Not quite the stuff I'm into. We are very different people, but everyone says we'd make a cute couple. He told me he liked me before asking me to prom, and ever since then I've felt sort of awkward around him. But that just might be because wherever he is, Thaddeus is usually close by. And with Thaddeus comes feelings of uncertainty and anxiousness about everything.

I love Thaddeus with a passion I don't think is good for me. It's so hard not to love him when he comes up to you during a get-together and just sits and talks to you and listens smiling as you rant about Legally Blonde, Gerard Butler's eyes, and other sappy romantic girly stuff he cares nothing about. It's hard not to love him when he calls five minutes after you leave his house and asks, "You know the way back home, right?" it's hard not to love him when he simply smiles at you for no apparent reason. Okay, now I'm getting very sappy and this whole post is going to become a waste of time if I don't put in something meaningful...

I've made an interesting discovery these past few days. As a Mormon, I am a firm believer of honesty. In fact, one of the requirements to attend the temple is to be "honest in your dealings with your fellow men." All your dealings. Mostly, I think I'm pretty good at it now. Sure, I tell a white lie once in a while, but when I do I usually catch myself and change it. I also don't cheat or take other people's things...

or do I?

The other day I was sitting in a parking lot waiting for my mom, listening to my iPod. I looked down at the song, and then I realized, "Wait a minute. I burned this song off of the CD belonging to a friend of mine. I didn't pay for it. Does that mean I STOLE the song?"

After serious thought, prayer, and after talking to parents, church leaders, and friends, I have decided that yes, burning music that was not yours in the first place into your own music library is a form of dishonesty. It's stealing, whether illegal or not. At this moment in time, I'm a little bit hypocritical because I have not gotten rid of this questionable music yet. it's SO HARD... I've gotten so used to having these cds, I don't want to just drop em now. I mean, all my My Chemical Romance CDs were burned copies of my friends' cds. Half my Nightwish, half my within temptation, all my three days grace, motion city soundtrack, matchbox 20, lifehouse, the fray, and then theres all those mixes people randomly have given me. heck, even some of my CHURCH music is burned!!!! I think for my birthday I'm going to ask people for Itunes gift cards and cash, so I can rebuy those cds. I don't feel ready to do it. But isn't real obedience doing things you don't want to do? This is the hardest sacrifice I've ever had to make for my church, and I'm still not totally sure that it's a sacrifice I simply HAVE to make.... I'm probably ranting, now. And absolutely everyone I've talked to has said that it's okay to own such music... but just because everyone SAYS it's okay doesn't mean it IS okay, right? I'm so torn!!!

One things for sure, I'm not getting any sleep tonight... it's already past one. darn it.