SSSSSOOOO
Work is annoying. I like some of it but I absolutely HATE other parts of it and I really think the HATE is overpowering the like.
First off, I STILL don't feel comfortable asking questions or getting help even when I really need it because the CSMs are always too busy for you and you always feel like you're intruding. Today I got a call from Cub about an hour before I thought my shift started. Turned out they thought I needed to be there a half an hour earlier. That WAS NOT MY FAULT. I was told to come at 4:30. Not 3. So even though I had NOTHING TO WORRY about, I still felt like they were mad at me. Like I was irresponsible or something. I am NOT irresponsible. Not in the least. Yesterday the CSMs were so nice and they answered my questions and helped me out and went above and beyond and told me I was okay and I needed to take deep breaths. TODAY the CSMs hardly even helped me. Instead they lectured me in this matter-of-fact tone that made me feel so dumb in front of the customers.
Speaking of customers: I love them. They make the work fun. If it weren't for them, I'd be in a living hell at work. I feel like I'm putting on a show for every new shopper that comes by and that makes me feel good. They all seem to like me.
There's this guy: Tony is his name. I've seen him working at Cub for a loooooong time and today he was working at the register next to mine. He would watch me do my work all the time and laugh at me. When I give him a quizzical look about it, he says "You really like this job, doncha?" and I say sort of, why?
"Well you're just so... soo... and then he sort of waves his arms and jumps up and down. Do I really look that hyper when I work? Tony annoys me because he's such a know-it-all and he thinks he knows me SOOO well because he's seen me around at school so much. But at the same time I'm thankful he's there because he at least knows what he's doing and I feel comfortable enough around him to ask him what to do when I don't know a thing. He LOOOVES answering questions. I loves knowing answers. He loves showing people he knows answers.
Part of me wonders if he's flirting with me... but I ask that about pretty much every interaction I have with a male. Part of me again wonders if I'm flirting with him. Probably. Does it mean anything? No.
Let's see... anything more to say about how ridiculous work is?
Pech! Glad I have one (1) day off before my 4-day-long streak.
My goal for my next work period: Figure out how to call for shopback for perishable items. Also, don't forget to give receipts. I always forgot this time around.
Things that went on today: Work work work. Lot's of it. Til 11:30.
Listening to : 3 AM acoustic version by Matchbox Twenty sung by the music angel Rob Thomas.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Friday Dream: Surreal and Spooky
I had a dream a few nights ago that was quite shocking for me. It was deadpan. No melodrama, no color, no nothing. Very dry and blunt.
All I remember is chasing after someone who was going to commit suicide. I don't remember who the person was, but I remember the love and worry and pain I felt over that person. He(or she) had gone insane, was looking for a gun. I wanted to stop him(her).
So I'm running. Past the duck pond and then into this huge desert. Like in a western film. There I stand, as the person I love goes to a shed, finds a gun, and points it at me. Suddenly my mom is behind me and he shoots her hard in the chest. She's not dead, but she's on the ground, screaming. "JUST DO IT!" she said, wanting to escape the pain in the only way she could think of. So he(she) did. Shot her in the back, and she was dead.
Then he(she) shot himself, and I watched.
It was a very scary dream. No background noise, just gun shots and screaming. No filter at all. I woke up very afraid.
But I knew it was all just a dream so I am fine now.
Listening to: Lady Gaga interviews
Things going on today: Ugh. Work.
All I remember is chasing after someone who was going to commit suicide. I don't remember who the person was, but I remember the love and worry and pain I felt over that person. He(or she) had gone insane, was looking for a gun. I wanted to stop him(her).
So I'm running. Past the duck pond and then into this huge desert. Like in a western film. There I stand, as the person I love goes to a shed, finds a gun, and points it at me. Suddenly my mom is behind me and he shoots her hard in the chest. She's not dead, but she's on the ground, screaming. "JUST DO IT!" she said, wanting to escape the pain in the only way she could think of. So he(she) did. Shot her in the back, and she was dead.
Then he(she) shot himself, and I watched.
It was a very scary dream. No background noise, just gun shots and screaming. No filter at all. I woke up very afraid.
But I knew it was all just a dream so I am fine now.
Listening to: Lady Gaga interviews
Things going on today: Ugh. Work.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Glee: Theatricality
So I've already said my whole bit about the "moral concept" of this episode on my other, more personal blog so this one's gonna be all about the GAGA.
First of all, I'd just like to say that it would be SO COOL if they could have an entire episode devoted to Lady Gaga like they did with Madonna, but of course they couldn't do that because Madonna and Lady Gaga are so much alike, and Gaga really hasn't hit enough meaningful numbers to make for a full episode about her. Maybe in a few decades, once we know whether or not she's gonna last. Then we'll talk about it. Moving on....
So the version of "Bad Romance" was MUCH more fun to listen to when it was accompanied with fun costumes and dancing. But I thought the whole song was HILARIOUS, rather than captivating or impressive. The dances, the poses, it was all so GAGA but for some reason the kids looked more ridiculous doing it. It was an intentional parody to Gaga, making the whole thing legitimate! But the song itself WASvery well arranged and put together. It kept true to the original, even though it was sung by a chorus of supposed high school kids. Of course, the original is definitely better.
Pokerface? That's another story...
First off, WHY POKERFACE? What kind of a mother-daughter bonding song is Pokerface?? It's about thinking about women while sleeping with a man? BLUFFIN WITH MY MUFFIN???? I would NEVER sing that song with my mom, no matter HOW good the arrangement is or HOW good of singers we are. Some things are just not done!
So, that's problem number one. Poor venue for the song. Poor song choice for the venue. It's one or the other, sweethearts...
Second off, while Idina Menzel and whoever-the-heck-the-girl-who-plays-Rachel-is are GREAT singers (fantastic!), the song just isn't as effective unless you got the pretentious Lady Gaga at a piano in a bubble outfit. I would rather have seen the full album version sung by all the kids than an intimate acoustic version that lacked attitude and pizzazz. It just didn't make any sense. No sense whatsoever. As a matter of fact, even when Lady Gaga sings it acoustic, the song still doesn't make sense. But at least you got Gaga there to distract you from the utter ridiculousness of the song. Sorry, Glee, I love your enthusiasm and your willingness to put this out there, but it just didn't work. Gaga is just not replaceable. You can make fun of her, but you can't replace her.
First of all, I'd just like to say that it would be SO COOL if they could have an entire episode devoted to Lady Gaga like they did with Madonna, but of course they couldn't do that because Madonna and Lady Gaga are so much alike, and Gaga really hasn't hit enough meaningful numbers to make for a full episode about her. Maybe in a few decades, once we know whether or not she's gonna last. Then we'll talk about it. Moving on....
So the version of "Bad Romance" was MUCH more fun to listen to when it was accompanied with fun costumes and dancing. But I thought the whole song was HILARIOUS, rather than captivating or impressive. The dances, the poses, it was all so GAGA but for some reason the kids looked more ridiculous doing it. It was an intentional parody to Gaga, making the whole thing legitimate! But the song itself WASvery well arranged and put together. It kept true to the original, even though it was sung by a chorus of supposed high school kids. Of course, the original is definitely better.
Pokerface? That's another story...
First off, WHY POKERFACE? What kind of a mother-daughter bonding song is Pokerface?? It's about thinking about women while sleeping with a man? BLUFFIN WITH MY MUFFIN???? I would NEVER sing that song with my mom, no matter HOW good the arrangement is or HOW good of singers we are. Some things are just not done!
So, that's problem number one. Poor venue for the song. Poor song choice for the venue. It's one or the other, sweethearts...
Second off, while Idina Menzel and whoever-the-heck-the-girl-who-plays-Rachel-is are GREAT singers (fantastic!), the song just isn't as effective unless you got the pretentious Lady Gaga at a piano in a bubble outfit. I would rather have seen the full album version sung by all the kids than an intimate acoustic version that lacked attitude and pizzazz. It just didn't make any sense. No sense whatsoever. As a matter of fact, even when Lady Gaga sings it acoustic, the song still doesn't make sense. But at least you got Gaga there to distract you from the utter ridiculousness of the song. Sorry, Glee, I love your enthusiasm and your willingness to put this out there, but it just didn't work. Gaga is just not replaceable. You can make fun of her, but you can't replace her.
My Beef about the Recent Glee Episode
Okay so this MIGHT be breaking a few rules I've set out for myself concerning this blog and what I share on it. I'm not supposed to review media on this site. It's supposed to be about my life and what goes on in it, not other peoples lives (real or fictional).
BUT I have a great deal to say about a certain scene in last Tuesday's GLEE episode. I'll transcribe it for you first.
Kurt's father, Burt, and Finn's mother have been dating for some time and have finally decided to move in together, bringing their sons along with them. Kurt is gay, and has had a secret crush on Finn for months. Much to Finn's dislike, the rest of the "family" has decided to put the two boys together in the same room. Kurt has been working on designing a reasonable living space that could cater to both their tastes.
(Kurt and Finn walk down a flight of stairs into their new room.)
Kurt: (wearing a tux) I had to skip school to finish it but I think you're really going to like it.
(Kurt flips a light switch to reveal a room filled with gaudy furniture, lavish curtains, and mood candle lighting. Everything is red and gold. As Finn looks at the scene before him, his face falls. Kurt gives a sigh of pride)
Kurt: Consider it a peace offering after all the yelling we've been doing. I used Marlene Dietrich and Gary Cooper and Morocco as my inspiration. It's a perfect blend of the masculine and the feminine and the muted and the theatrical.
(As Kurt explains, Finn wanders around the room, dumbstruck. He finally finds words)
Finn: Are you freaking insane? I can't live here, I'm a dude. What the hell is that s'posed to be?
Kurt: It's a privacy partition... It's the only one I could find on such short notice. Why are you getting angry about everything? I worked hard on this.
Finn: That's not a privacy partition! Why is it so hard for you to understand? I don't wanna get dressed in front of you. You know that I put my underwear on in the shower before I come out when you're around? I just... I don't wanna have to worry about that kind of stuff in my own room, man...
Kurt: And what "stuff" are you referring to?--
Finn: (interrupting) You know. You know what I'm talking about. Don't play dumb. Why can't you just accept that I'm not like you?
Kurt: I have accepted that --
Finn: No, you haven't. You think I don't see the way you stare at me? How flirty you get? You think I don't know why you got so excited that we were gonna be moving in together?
Kurt: It's just a room, Finn! We can re-decorate it if you want to!
Finn: (losing his temper) Okay. Good. Well then, the first thing that needs to go is that FAGGY lamp! And then we need to get rid of this FAGGY couch blanket --
(Kurt's Father enters)
Kurt's Father: HEY! What did you just call him?
Finn: Oh, n-no I didn't call him anything I was just.. talking to the blanket --
Kurt's Father: But when used that word, you're talking about him.
Kurt: Relax, Dad, I didn't take it that way!
Kurt's Father: Yeah, that's because you're sixteen and you still assume the best in people. You live a few years, and you start seeing the hate in people's hearts. Even the best people. You use the n-word?
Finn: (quickly) Of course not!
Kurt's Father: Yeah, how about "retard"? You call that nice girl on the Cheerios with Kurt, you call her a retard?
Finn: I can't -- n-no, she's my friend, she's got... down syndrome! I'd never call her that, that's cruel --
Burt: But you think it's okay to come into my house, and say "faggy"?
Finn: B-but that's not what I meant! --
(Kurt begins to cry)
Burt: I KNOW what you meant! What, you think I didn't use that word when I was your age? You know, some... some kid gets clocked in practice, we tell him to "stop being such a fagg. Shake it off!" We meant it exactly the way you meant it. That being gay is wrong, that it's some kind of punishable offense. I really thought you were different, Finn. You know, I thought that being in Glee Club, and being raised by your mom... tha--that you were some "new generation" of dude who saw things differently, who just kinda came into the world knowing what has taken me years of struggling to figure out. I guess I was wrong. I'm sorry, Finn, but you can't... you can't stay here.
Kurt: Dad...
Burt: I love your mom, and maybe this is gonna cost me her. But my family comes first. I can't have that kind of poison around. (to Kurt) This is our home, Kurt. (to Finn) He is my son. Out in the world, you do what you want. Not under my roof.
(Finn exits, ashamed. Kurt and his father look at each other with tears in their eyes.)
Burt: The place looks great. (He then reaches out, puts his hand on Kurt's shoulder as he walks past him. Kurt touches his father's hand before Burt lets go and walks up the stairs after Finn.
(Later, in Glee Club, Kurt and Tina are in their GAGA outfits.)
Kurt: (to Tina) You look like you should be in orbit.
Tina: (repositioning the bubbles on her dress) My balls keep falling off.
Kurt: Yeah, I've been there. (looks menacingly over at Finn)
Finn: (whispering) I want to talk about this!
Kurt: (also whispering) There's not much to say. I feel sorry for you. I thought you were different.
Finn: I am different.
(The next day, Kurt is about to get beat up by some jock bullies...)
Kurt: (thrown against a wall, melodramatically) Fine. You wanna hit me? You wanna beat me up? Go ahead! But I swear to you, I will never change. I'm proud to be different. It's the best thing about me. So go ahead, hit me!
Bully 1: I believe I will. (to second bullky) Sir, would you like to go first?
(a voice comes from behind. It's Finn, dressed in a Lady Gaga-esque full gown.)
Finn: You're not hitting anyone.
Kurt: Oh my God...
Bully 1: Is he wearing a red rubber dress, or am I trippin?
Finn: I wanna thank you, Kurt. I realize I still have lot to learn, but the reason I'm here right now.. in a shower curtain.. is because of you. And I'm not gonna let anyone lay a hand on you.
Bully 2: Oh, really, dude? Cuz I'm pretty sure we can take both of you.
(the entire Glee Club shows up behing Finn, wearing their Gaga and Kiss outfits)
Puck: Yeah. But can you take ALL of us?
Bully 1: Okay.... okay, yeah, I get it. I took biology. You know what, Karowski? We done disturb the freak hive. The worker freaks is trying to protect the queen freak.
Bully 2: Next time, we'll bring some friends, too. (the bullies exit)
Rachel: I'm tired of everyone calling us freaks.
Mercedes: Well, look at us, we are freaks!
Finn: But we're all freaks together, and we shouldn't have to hide it.
Okkay....
There is something VERY wrong here.
COME ON! What kind of parents put their children together if one of them -- or even both! -- is attracted to the other? If Kurt were a girl, I'm sure they would NEVER be okay with having them live together. Even if Kurt DIDN'T have a "crush" on Finn, I'm sure Finn would definitely feel uncomfortable sharing a private space with someone who even views him and his body that way at all! I can't imagine how I would feel sharing a room with a lesbian. Being friends is one thing, but sharing a room crosses some comfort boundaries.
So where was the good parental judgement, here? What about Finn's mom? Wouldn't she be at all concerned for Finn's feelings on the issue? I am surprised they even allowed this living setup at all. Finn even tried to explain his feelings earlier in the episode, but both parents just threw it off!
Problem number two: Kurt has been inappropriately pushing Finn to change his lifestyle and ideals to fit his own. Kurt is a diva. He's misunderstood, yes, but not innocent. He has only really been thinking about his needs and desires (which is often how lust works). If Kurt truly cared about Finn, he would let Finn be himself, regardless of the losses Kurt would then suffer.
Furthermore, trying to manipulate their parents is the wrong way for Kurt to approach this issue. Obviously Finn and his mom have had a hard time, losing the man of their house. And then there's Kurt's own father! How much pain has he been through? It's not a game, Kurt! You're not dealing with just YOU anymore. Now you're involving others... your own family, even! Playing with these strong feelings is not only wrong, it can come back to bite you. Finn's anger and confusion at the situation Kurt intentionally threw on him would have to be difficult... so it's no surprise he lost his temper and said some things he shouldn't. Once again... is anyone thinking of poor Finn's feelings?? Kurt has also hurt his father. Burt loved Finn's mom. While it was Kurt's selfishness that brought them together, it was also Kurt's selfishness that may now tear them apart. I wonder if Kurt foresaw this at all. I believe he began to realize it when his father came downstairs.
So Kurt, back off. Quit tampering with others' lives. Quit focusing on yourself. Sometimes people who are different begin to feel this sense of entitlement which then leads them to hurt others. Kurt is a victim of this.
The main problem I see in this story is the lack of judgement shown by Kurt's Father. Granted, this is a very close topic for him. He has had threatening phone calls about his son's sexuality for some time, now, and he has promised to protect his son in any way he can.
BUT he still does not know the full issue. He is unaware of Kurt's feelings for Finn. Finn's uncomfort, the context of his anger, it's all so very important to understanding such an episode! Burt hardly let Finn talk! Instead of trying to understand, he just assumed he already understood and then proceeded to make Finn feel guilty. Poor, poor Finn. He has a legitimate problem, a legitimate concern, tries to be polite, tries to make it work. When he finds out it doesn't, he's forced to believe it is all his fault. I was VERY worried that Finn would decide to "come out" at the end of the episode -- all because he felt guilty. Now, I don't think that was what happened (thank goodness), but he had definitely made a change in his attitude. The change could be seen as a positive one, but it was made out of nothing but guilt. How many of us have been manipulated that way? I know I have -- even on this exact issue! People I talk to about gay rights always try to make me look like a "homophobe" who is intolerant and hateful. That is NOT TRUE. It is possible to love everyone, while still accepting that a person has made wrong decisions. There are some who ARE filled with hate: who say things like "fagg" without thinking, who DO think being gay is a punishable offense, but NOT EVERYONE. Most -- like me -- just see it as a difference in morals and are willing to move on. It's like the chicken and the egg. Some believe it's one way, others believe it's another. No one can prove the other is right, so why worry about it?
And this doesn't have to be a "gay" issue, either. Kurt's dad is a prime example of how people all the time assume that people are prejudiced when really the issue is somewhere completely different (You know what I mean. "It's cuz I'm black, isn't it?"). In this case, Finn wasn't really trying to combat Kurt's sexuality. I'm sure he was fine with Kurt being the way he was. He just didn't want to have to deal all of it at such an intimate level. Most people have to deal with that every day of their lives. This was Finn's own home, his own room, his own private life; he wanted to feel comfortable there. Being thrown in a room with a prima donna was not his cup of tea. It's like dealing with a bad roommate, or even an annoying sibling. Both Finn and Kurt's father understood that the issue WASN'T about the room: Finn recognized it was about the relationship, but Burt was too caught up in "morals" to see the real big picture -- the REAL relationship. It's not about being GAY. It's about simply being DIFFERENT from one another. I hate the color pink. My sister loves it. It's freaking annoying! And I have a right to say so!
Finn's not perfect either. It was very unwise to lose his temper on Kurt like that. He wasn't really thinking of Kurt's feelings, either. OBVIOUSLY calling Kurt's hard work "faggy" was NOT SMART and NOT NICE. Finn doesn't quite have a grip on words, yet, I think. He's still too much of a dunce to understand what is appropriate and what is not. But does he REALLY think being gay is wrong? Never before has Finn given us that impression! Kurt was very kind and understood this at first, ("I didn't take it that way!") but he didn't stay that way. Nope. He listened to his jaded father and joined him in putting Finn on the guilt trip ("I thought you were different!") without truly understanding Finn's feelings and beliefs. Pride strikes again.
I've said quite a bit, and not a lot of it made perfect sense, but my point is that this episode of Glee was a little bit one-sided in its reasoning. Obviously, what the producers wanted us to take away from this episode was that we should not judge people. Everyone's got baggage. Kurt and Burt both have to deal with the torments and prejudices that come with being different. Finn has to deal with living with the discomforts, confusions, and pressures of trying to find an identity. Not everyone's right, and not everyone is wrong. So we should not jump to any conclusions or make any judgements without seeing every side and taking the time to fully understand each other. I get it. But I think the show focused a little too much on how FINN needed to learn that lesson, while Kurt's family also needs to learn it.
Perchance we simply need to wait for another episode to shed some light from a different angle... I'm sure the story's not over yet.
That's all for now!
Thanks for reading.
BUT I have a great deal to say about a certain scene in last Tuesday's GLEE episode. I'll transcribe it for you first.
Kurt's father, Burt, and Finn's mother have been dating for some time and have finally decided to move in together, bringing their sons along with them. Kurt is gay, and has had a secret crush on Finn for months. Much to Finn's dislike, the rest of the "family" has decided to put the two boys together in the same room. Kurt has been working on designing a reasonable living space that could cater to both their tastes.
(Kurt and Finn walk down a flight of stairs into their new room.)
Kurt: (wearing a tux) I had to skip school to finish it but I think you're really going to like it.
(Kurt flips a light switch to reveal a room filled with gaudy furniture, lavish curtains, and mood candle lighting. Everything is red and gold. As Finn looks at the scene before him, his face falls. Kurt gives a sigh of pride)
Kurt: Consider it a peace offering after all the yelling we've been doing. I used Marlene Dietrich and Gary Cooper and Morocco as my inspiration. It's a perfect blend of the masculine and the feminine and the muted and the theatrical.
(As Kurt explains, Finn wanders around the room, dumbstruck. He finally finds words)
Finn: Are you freaking insane? I can't live here, I'm a dude. What the hell is that s'posed to be?
Kurt: It's a privacy partition... It's the only one I could find on such short notice. Why are you getting angry about everything? I worked hard on this.
Finn: That's not a privacy partition! Why is it so hard for you to understand? I don't wanna get dressed in front of you. You know that I put my underwear on in the shower before I come out when you're around? I just... I don't wanna have to worry about that kind of stuff in my own room, man...
Kurt: And what "stuff" are you referring to?--
Finn: (interrupting) You know. You know what I'm talking about. Don't play dumb. Why can't you just accept that I'm not like you?
Kurt: I have accepted that --
Finn: No, you haven't. You think I don't see the way you stare at me? How flirty you get? You think I don't know why you got so excited that we were gonna be moving in together?
Kurt: It's just a room, Finn! We can re-decorate it if you want to!
Finn: (losing his temper) Okay. Good. Well then, the first thing that needs to go is that FAGGY lamp! And then we need to get rid of this FAGGY couch blanket --
(Kurt's Father enters)
Kurt's Father: HEY! What did you just call him?
Finn: Oh, n-no I didn't call him anything I was just.. talking to the blanket --
Kurt's Father: But when used that word, you're talking about him.
Kurt: Relax, Dad, I didn't take it that way!
Kurt's Father: Yeah, that's because you're sixteen and you still assume the best in people. You live a few years, and you start seeing the hate in people's hearts. Even the best people. You use the n-word?
Finn: (quickly) Of course not!
Kurt's Father: Yeah, how about "retard"? You call that nice girl on the Cheerios with Kurt, you call her a retard?
Finn: I can't -- n-no, she's my friend, she's got... down syndrome! I'd never call her that, that's cruel --
Burt: But you think it's okay to come into my house, and say "faggy"?
Finn: B-but that's not what I meant! --
(Kurt begins to cry)
Burt: I KNOW what you meant! What, you think I didn't use that word when I was your age? You know, some... some kid gets clocked in practice, we tell him to "stop being such a fagg. Shake it off!" We meant it exactly the way you meant it. That being gay is wrong, that it's some kind of punishable offense. I really thought you were different, Finn. You know, I thought that being in Glee Club, and being raised by your mom... tha--that you were some "new generation" of dude who saw things differently, who just kinda came into the world knowing what has taken me years of struggling to figure out. I guess I was wrong. I'm sorry, Finn, but you can't... you can't stay here.
Kurt: Dad...
Burt: I love your mom, and maybe this is gonna cost me her. But my family comes first. I can't have that kind of poison around. (to Kurt) This is our home, Kurt. (to Finn) He is my son. Out in the world, you do what you want. Not under my roof.
(Finn exits, ashamed. Kurt and his father look at each other with tears in their eyes.)
Burt: The place looks great. (He then reaches out, puts his hand on Kurt's shoulder as he walks past him. Kurt touches his father's hand before Burt lets go and walks up the stairs after Finn.
(Later, in Glee Club, Kurt and Tina are in their GAGA outfits.)
Kurt: (to Tina) You look like you should be in orbit.
Tina: (repositioning the bubbles on her dress) My balls keep falling off.
Kurt: Yeah, I've been there. (looks menacingly over at Finn)
Finn: (whispering) I want to talk about this!
Kurt: (also whispering) There's not much to say. I feel sorry for you. I thought you were different.
Finn: I am different.
(The next day, Kurt is about to get beat up by some jock bullies...)
Kurt: (thrown against a wall, melodramatically) Fine. You wanna hit me? You wanna beat me up? Go ahead! But I swear to you, I will never change. I'm proud to be different. It's the best thing about me. So go ahead, hit me!
Bully 1: I believe I will. (to second bullky) Sir, would you like to go first?
(a voice comes from behind. It's Finn, dressed in a Lady Gaga-esque full gown.)
Finn: You're not hitting anyone.
Kurt: Oh my God...
Bully 1: Is he wearing a red rubber dress, or am I trippin?
Finn: I wanna thank you, Kurt. I realize I still have lot to learn, but the reason I'm here right now.. in a shower curtain.. is because of you. And I'm not gonna let anyone lay a hand on you.
Bully 2: Oh, really, dude? Cuz I'm pretty sure we can take both of you.
(the entire Glee Club shows up behing Finn, wearing their Gaga and Kiss outfits)
Puck: Yeah. But can you take ALL of us?
Bully 1: Okay.... okay, yeah, I get it. I took biology. You know what, Karowski? We done disturb the freak hive. The worker freaks is trying to protect the queen freak.
Bully 2: Next time, we'll bring some friends, too. (the bullies exit)
Rachel: I'm tired of everyone calling us freaks.
Mercedes: Well, look at us, we are freaks!
Finn: But we're all freaks together, and we shouldn't have to hide it.
Okkay....
There is something VERY wrong here.
COME ON! What kind of parents put their children together if one of them -- or even both! -- is attracted to the other? If Kurt were a girl, I'm sure they would NEVER be okay with having them live together. Even if Kurt DIDN'T have a "crush" on Finn, I'm sure Finn would definitely feel uncomfortable sharing a private space with someone who even views him and his body that way at all! I can't imagine how I would feel sharing a room with a lesbian. Being friends is one thing, but sharing a room crosses some comfort boundaries.
So where was the good parental judgement, here? What about Finn's mom? Wouldn't she be at all concerned for Finn's feelings on the issue? I am surprised they even allowed this living setup at all. Finn even tried to explain his feelings earlier in the episode, but both parents just threw it off!
Problem number two: Kurt has been inappropriately pushing Finn to change his lifestyle and ideals to fit his own. Kurt is a diva. He's misunderstood, yes, but not innocent. He has only really been thinking about his needs and desires (which is often how lust works). If Kurt truly cared about Finn, he would let Finn be himself, regardless of the losses Kurt would then suffer.
Furthermore, trying to manipulate their parents is the wrong way for Kurt to approach this issue. Obviously Finn and his mom have had a hard time, losing the man of their house. And then there's Kurt's own father! How much pain has he been through? It's not a game, Kurt! You're not dealing with just YOU anymore. Now you're involving others... your own family, even! Playing with these strong feelings is not only wrong, it can come back to bite you. Finn's anger and confusion at the situation Kurt intentionally threw on him would have to be difficult... so it's no surprise he lost his temper and said some things he shouldn't. Once again... is anyone thinking of poor Finn's feelings?? Kurt has also hurt his father. Burt loved Finn's mom. While it was Kurt's selfishness that brought them together, it was also Kurt's selfishness that may now tear them apart. I wonder if Kurt foresaw this at all. I believe he began to realize it when his father came downstairs.
So Kurt, back off. Quit tampering with others' lives. Quit focusing on yourself. Sometimes people who are different begin to feel this sense of entitlement which then leads them to hurt others. Kurt is a victim of this.
The main problem I see in this story is the lack of judgement shown by Kurt's Father. Granted, this is a very close topic for him. He has had threatening phone calls about his son's sexuality for some time, now, and he has promised to protect his son in any way he can.
BUT he still does not know the full issue. He is unaware of Kurt's feelings for Finn. Finn's uncomfort, the context of his anger, it's all so very important to understanding such an episode! Burt hardly let Finn talk! Instead of trying to understand, he just assumed he already understood and then proceeded to make Finn feel guilty. Poor, poor Finn. He has a legitimate problem, a legitimate concern, tries to be polite, tries to make it work. When he finds out it doesn't, he's forced to believe it is all his fault. I was VERY worried that Finn would decide to "come out" at the end of the episode -- all because he felt guilty. Now, I don't think that was what happened (thank goodness), but he had definitely made a change in his attitude. The change could be seen as a positive one, but it was made out of nothing but guilt. How many of us have been manipulated that way? I know I have -- even on this exact issue! People I talk to about gay rights always try to make me look like a "homophobe" who is intolerant and hateful. That is NOT TRUE. It is possible to love everyone, while still accepting that a person has made wrong decisions. There are some who ARE filled with hate: who say things like "fagg" without thinking, who DO think being gay is a punishable offense, but NOT EVERYONE. Most -- like me -- just see it as a difference in morals and are willing to move on. It's like the chicken and the egg. Some believe it's one way, others believe it's another. No one can prove the other is right, so why worry about it?
And this doesn't have to be a "gay" issue, either. Kurt's dad is a prime example of how people all the time assume that people are prejudiced when really the issue is somewhere completely different (You know what I mean. "It's cuz I'm black, isn't it?"). In this case, Finn wasn't really trying to combat Kurt's sexuality. I'm sure he was fine with Kurt being the way he was. He just didn't want to have to deal all of it at such an intimate level. Most people have to deal with that every day of their lives. This was Finn's own home, his own room, his own private life; he wanted to feel comfortable there. Being thrown in a room with a prima donna was not his cup of tea. It's like dealing with a bad roommate, or even an annoying sibling. Both Finn and Kurt's father understood that the issue WASN'T about the room: Finn recognized it was about the relationship, but Burt was too caught up in "morals" to see the real big picture -- the REAL relationship. It's not about being GAY. It's about simply being DIFFERENT from one another. I hate the color pink. My sister loves it. It's freaking annoying! And I have a right to say so!
Finn's not perfect either. It was very unwise to lose his temper on Kurt like that. He wasn't really thinking of Kurt's feelings, either. OBVIOUSLY calling Kurt's hard work "faggy" was NOT SMART and NOT NICE. Finn doesn't quite have a grip on words, yet, I think. He's still too much of a dunce to understand what is appropriate and what is not. But does he REALLY think being gay is wrong? Never before has Finn given us that impression! Kurt was very kind and understood this at first, ("I didn't take it that way!") but he didn't stay that way. Nope. He listened to his jaded father and joined him in putting Finn on the guilt trip ("I thought you were different!") without truly understanding Finn's feelings and beliefs. Pride strikes again.
I've said quite a bit, and not a lot of it made perfect sense, but my point is that this episode of Glee was a little bit one-sided in its reasoning. Obviously, what the producers wanted us to take away from this episode was that we should not judge people. Everyone's got baggage. Kurt and Burt both have to deal with the torments and prejudices that come with being different. Finn has to deal with living with the discomforts, confusions, and pressures of trying to find an identity. Not everyone's right, and not everyone is wrong. So we should not jump to any conclusions or make any judgements without seeing every side and taking the time to fully understand each other. I get it. But I think the show focused a little too much on how FINN needed to learn that lesson, while Kurt's family also needs to learn it.
Perchance we simply need to wait for another episode to shed some light from a different angle... I'm sure the story's not over yet.
That's all for now!
Thanks for reading.
I Am Now A Working Girl
Originally Posted on Outward Expression.
Uniforms have always intrigued me, mainly because of the challenge of expressing your individuality in something meant to repress it. Here is my work uniform. It consists of a supplied name tag, shirt and hat and black pants, a belt, black socks and shoes I have to supply myself. I got the pants at JC Penny's with my mom. The belt is hers.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Fabulous Second Hand Outfit
Originally posted on Outward Expression.
I usually don't wear yellow as a general rule, but when I found this dress, I fell in love with the little cornflowers. It was $8 at Ragstock, so I figured, why not?
I paired it with a hat that I think belonged to my grandmother, but I'm not sure. It's a simple straw hat with a giant red rose. I like it. I feel like i'm ready for a day at the races in this outfit.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
MORE HATS!
Originally posted on Outward Expression.
This hat I just got from Everyday People yesterday with Hannah. I also got a beautiful rainbow tie dye dress that will be wonderful at Pride, anyway, this is a gray beret that laces up the side. I loved it the moment I put it on. It made me feel sophisticated. I don't know if I'm wearing it right, but as Sylvia Plath once said, "If you do something with enough arrogance, no one will question you".
This next hat is one I wore today to the beach with my bright green sunglasses. I have several different flowers that I can pin to it, and today I wore the orange one. This hat was new from Ragstock, but I still love it to pieces.
My New Plan to Get Things Done Around Here
I have a new weekly schedule on how I spend my spare time.
MONDAY: Write music.
TUESDAY: Work on art projects
WEDNESDAY: Read a novel
THURSDAY: Excercise
FRIDAY: Work/Study Fashion
SATURDAY: My choice
SUNDAY: Do spiritual things like scripture study or writing to missionaries.
TADA.
Things I can do on any day of the week:
Play piano
Go on Facebook/Blog
30 or so minutes of exercise
Read Scriptures
Spend time doing any of the above things with friends
Clean
Work
MONDAY: Write music.
TUESDAY: Work on art projects
WEDNESDAY: Read a novel
THURSDAY: Excercise
FRIDAY: Work/Study Fashion
SATURDAY: My choice
SUNDAY: Do spiritual things like scripture study or writing to missionaries.
TADA.
Things I can do on any day of the week:
Play piano
Go on Facebook/Blog
30 or so minutes of exercise
Read Scriptures
Spend time doing any of the above things with friends
Clean
Work
An Adventure with an Old Friend... to Chino Latino
So yesterday I expanded my cultural horizons with my friend Ingrid.
She picked me up in her (cute) bug convertible and we drove downtown. I don't go to Minneapolis/St. Paul enough. As Ingrid so wisely pointed out, there is a huge unknown world right at our fingertips, and we should embrace it and experience it as much as we can. So we did...quite a bit. I wore my overalls that day.
First stop was the World Market. Ingrid's taken me here before. It's a huge conglomeration of different shops and fast food restaurants from different countries. We got the mexican food this time around, which, to me, just tasted like regular ol' mexican food but apparently it's quite legitimate so I'm fine either way. It tasted good, and the salsa was really spicy. Hooray!
Next was a store called Everyday People. It's a second-hand store, and as we all know, I love things cheap. I finally found a purse for ten dollars that matched my style, yet could be worn discreetly if the need arose. It's just a nice purple thing with a floral tapestry print on the front and a fuzzy black fringe on the bottom. Of course, purple is my favorite color, and I liked the romance of the floral print so I got it. If I want something less indie, I can use my leather purse that I already have. In the meantime, it's a decent size with a long shoulder strap, just the way I like it. It's perfect.
She picked me up in her (cute) bug convertible and we drove downtown. I don't go to Minneapolis/St. Paul enough. As Ingrid so wisely pointed out, there is a huge unknown world right at our fingertips, and we should embrace it and experience it as much as we can. So we did...quite a bit. I wore my overalls that day.
First stop was the World Market. Ingrid's taken me here before. It's a huge conglomeration of different shops and fast food restaurants from different countries. We got the mexican food this time around, which, to me, just tasted like regular ol' mexican food but apparently it's quite legitimate so I'm fine either way. It tasted good, and the salsa was really spicy. Hooray!
Next was a store called Everyday People. It's a second-hand store, and as we all know, I love things cheap. I finally found a purse for ten dollars that matched my style, yet could be worn discreetly if the need arose. It's just a nice purple thing with a floral tapestry print on the front and a fuzzy black fringe on the bottom. Of course, purple is my favorite color, and I liked the romance of the floral print so I got it. If I want something less indie, I can use my leather purse that I already have. In the meantime, it's a decent size with a long shoulder strap, just the way I like it. It's perfect.
Ingrid got herself this amazing tye-dye dress (for Pride) and a cute gray baret hat. She works it quite well.
While we waited for Chino Latino to open, we trekked down to a random outlet book store that sold the most random titles I have ever seen. Hardly any of it was mainstream or ever made a best-seller list. I didn't realize just how many books there were in the world until I made my way to the basement of that packed book shop. Man alive.
We also stopped by Mac just so I could see the Lady Gaga VivaGlam AIDS fund Lipstick that I really want but it's fourteen dollars and there's no WAY I'd spend fourteen dollars on a tube of lipstick. Maybe someone can get it for me for my birthday or something...
Our final stop before Chino Latino was Ragstock where I got these AWESOME white plastic GoGo boots. I love them to PIECES and I have just the right top to work them with. They were, regrettably, thirty dollars but I think it's money well-spent. I just have to not spend another dime from now 'til doomsday in order to keep myself afloat in this world.
Adding to my financial regrets, Chino Latino was an excellent restaurant... and a very pricey one. I didn't realize until I got there just how much I would be spending on the side, the main course, the drink, and then the dessert. 25 dollars just isn't in my wallet to spend!
BUT the food was great. We had potstickers, some rice and vegetables, a mango drink, and fried ice cream (my favorite part).
The thing about Chino Latino is this: It's got a nice embiance to it. It's dark, with mood candlelight. The waitresses were very nice, very helpful. The drinks were fancy... we saw a couple margaritas come out with real flowers sticking out of them; one girl even ordered a drink that was served in a real pineapple. We also sat near the sushi chefs, which was quite fun. Yes, it was a higher-class restaurant, methinks.
Chopsticks...
There are some things about the restaurant that were a little... let's say, Adult. First off, I thought it was rather funny how the entrance was basically a dark room, about five feet by seven feet in length, with almost no light whatsoever. We wondered to ourselves what might have gone on in that room after hours. Then there was the very nice greeter who's first question was, "Here for happy hour?" We saw a few Chino Latino staff walk by in some interesting shirts, including one that said "Wanna Bangkok?" I can't help but laugh at the pun, crude as it may be.
Things got better! After the meal, we got some fortune cookies. Mine read thus:
On the party barge of life, you are the beer bong.
Ingrid's read:
That wasn't chicken.
Then Ingrid HAD to show me the bathrooms. These need no further description...
Although they had really cool faucet installations...
All in all, a great trip. I stepped out of my comfort zone, tried some new things, and got a few laughs with a good friend. A day well spent. A day well spent indeed.
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